This past weekend was my fourth Mother's Day without Daniel. The last three have been very difficult for me, and had I had time to think about it, I would have dreaded this one too. Oddly enough I was too busy to think about whether the weekend would be hard or not.
It was hard in a different way this year. I missed him, as I usually do, but it was so much less of a bitter feeling that it surprised me. No pity party this year, no envy of other mom's with adoring husbands to wait on them hand and foot (or not, as the case may be). I wished Daniel could be there to enjoy it and his absence was noticeable as it usually is. I wished he could have spent some quality time with me and with Grayson making me breakfast or whatever they might have done. I missed him of course, but the overall feeling I had for the weekend wasn't bitter or angry or envious, it was grateful.
I was grateful to have my wonderful little boy make me a lovely vase in art class and a homemade card. I was grateful for his giant hug, and the yummy fruit salad he made all by himself. I was grateful for the time I spent with my own mom and my friend Patience, just relaxing by the pool and chatting. I was grateful for the time I spent with Daniel's mom and his sister's family - being waited on hand and foot by my fabulous brother-in-law and watching the cousins play in the pool. The list goes on: all of my friends who called, sent text messages, facebook posts, etc. I had a wonderful weekend and felt very loved.
The sadness definitely comes and goes in waves, but apparently this past weekend was on a high tide. I'll just accept it at face value and enjoy it (living in the moment....no planner's hat on this head today). The low tide will come again, but even then I will know that I am blessed.