Flo R

  • commented on New Love 2017-07-02 11:33:16 -0700
    Doing my happy dance for you, Kelley!

  • commented on Grief Terrors 2017-06-26 15:26:09 -0700
    I am so moved and inspired by your heart and your transparency. Rooting for you, Kelley, big time.

  • commented on Back to You 2017-06-14 18:33:09 -0700
    Kelley, passing this along -

    Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget,
    falls drop by drop upon the heart,
    until, in our despair,
    against our will,
    comes wisdom.

  • commented on Beautifully Broken 2016-11-06 15:34:21 -0800
    Wow. Connected. This is what love does. My blogging friend shared her story about kintsugi the same day you wrote this. http://marthaslavin.blogspot.com/2016/11/pieces-of-history.html . I read both these posts today, as someone today who sees my trauma history calls me a mama duck inspiring younger ducks. Hard to take in. I wonder the same thing you do – can someone truly see me and still love me? Evidently the answer is yes, if the Japanese appreciation of brokenness can take root in our hearts. I guess it’s the antidote to “Why me?” because we can never undo the past. Thanks for this message, Kelley

  • commented on Trust Your Gut 2016-08-19 14:26:28 -0700
    Yes, one very wise woman plus a very wise woman. Inspiring.

  • commented on The Agony of Defeat 2016-07-24 06:06:18 -0700
    Yeah, I was where you are at five years. You are not alone, not that that’s a lot of comfort, I know. Even at eleven years out, when grief has lifted ( it does), there remain these immovable facts, the ones you’re talking about, and movable facts. Separating the two is the job of my lifetime, given that my personality which is prone to emotional reasoning plus wanting it all. :-(
    Hugs to you, Kelley. Hang in there. You’re worth it!

  • commented on I Am Not What I Feel 2016-06-24 04:14:18 -0700
    ((hug)) … (((hug))) … ((((hug))))

  • commented on The Champ 2016-04-29 09:10:59 -0700
    Kelley, I started laughing, then as I continued to read, felt how unfunny it all is, as a widow takes stabs at dating online. I’m 20 years ahead of you, widowed 11 years, and used a couple more substantive sites after 5 lonely years. I guess I stopped while I was ahead … Long story short, I am glad I did the online thing 1) because writing and rewriting my profile helped reflect my emerging post widow self. 2) after a lot of frogs, I did meet a couple men who respected me and were actually wowed by me, flaws and all. 3) it helped me accept that being single is not the same as being a left-over. It’s merely a re-shaped life. 4) my widow friends had a lot of laughs and helped me keep perspective. Notice I did NOT say I met a man I was permanently wowed by. So, alter your goal?

  • commented on Back to Start 2016-04-08 05:06:09 -0700
    Oh, Kelley, I hurt with you. You are perfect the way you are, and this ease you describe with your beloved late husband IS the ease you deserve with yourself, with a special someone. Life can’t promise this special someone will find you, and that in itself is devastating. If it helps, I went through something very similar 5 years out. I fell in love; I mean hook line and sinker. Two feet off the ground joy. Relief that I could feel such powerful love for someone and he could for me …. oops…the ‘he could for me’ was less deeply established. He pulled back, and as we explored his desires within a relationship with me, I found they didn’t match what I knew I was capable of. I broke it off, and man, did it open my floodgates. Three months I cried, deep racking sobs, like you describe. I was crying for the sweetness I knew was possible, and for my yearning to live in this sweetness again. Finally my tears were spent. This man did give me a gift – cracking my heart open. Though he didn’t give me permanence along with it, it is always good when a heart cracks open to love. This experience set me on a journey to live with a cracked open heart (which I didn’t know at the time, but see now six years later). My journey has been to open my heart to the little one inside me, who so desperately needed and needs love she never got and got for a blessed time with my late husband. With lots of soul searching and therapy, I have a growing, tender, occasional ‘two feet off the ground’ love for her (me). Mega appreciation for little ‘ol me. I’d like to think that finding someone besides me who appreciates and loves me will be the cherry on top of that. I don’t know because I haven’t met the cherry on top. In any case the circle of love goes round inside me, and I begrudge circumstances less, because I’m erasing the impediments to joyous love inside myself. So, yes, Kelley, it does get better when our hearts crack open, even though tears flow alongside. Much love and hope to you.

  • commented on Pray to Live 2016-03-25 13:56:24 -0700
    Wow. You wrote what I’ve been afraid to write: pray for life. Have faith. I’ve been, like everybody, clawing my way back to choosing life, not for some hypothetical ideal situation or partner, but because, like you say, life is awesome – the sunsets, the new accomplishments that inevitably pile up, even the intense feelings. Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t feel sad going to my room alone after an extraordinary accomplishment of mine, and toasting to me, myself and I. Once I could never have believed that. Or figured I was fooling myself, and how sad for me. But in the eleven years since my husband’s passing, I’ve had three new partnerships blossom, and then reach their natural conclusion. Each man brought a gift and that gift wasn’t permanence. So I maybe don’t need my accomplishments witnessed and shared in a committed permanent way, or this would’ve happened? Anyway, I am getting really good at sharing joys with my inner kid and this is sufficient. I guess I’m saying, Kelley, that even if this special friend remains a friend, or passes through your life, your opportunities to savor you and your accomplishments remain vibrant. You are awesome, even unwitnessed. I hear you owning this fact. Come to think of it, that’s probably what your new friend is picking up on. God bless you!

  • commented on "The Change"... Not "The End" 2016-02-09 06:58:04 -0800
    Wow. It’s like Drew helped you make this shift. You mention your spiritual growth. Did you ask Drew to be a guide for you?

  • commented on Realities of Dating after Death 2016-01-31 14:14:51 -0800
    Sarah, you are a wonder, looking so candidly at your stuff. Our own unhealed parts don’t die with our loved one. I sure did want that to be my reward for all the grief I went through! Where you say the smallest things can get your mind spiraling about the L word – not love, but loss, is what I experience as I try to get my feet under me. They seem to easily slip out from under me. Less easily as I deal with my stuff, but still… Thanks for an awesome read and photo.

  • commented on Entering the Cave of Fears 2016-01-11 04:52:45 -0800
    Thank you for sharing your quest. Walking into that cave I fear in order to find purpose and meaning is necessary for me, too. After trying other avenues, which helped me recognize and build my inner strength, what was there left to do? You sound hopeful that what is in your highest good will ultimately be in others’ highest good. The fear I walk with is that my highest good will untether me from my illusions, maybe one of which is that my highest good will help others. We’ll find out as we boldly walk, and tell others.

  • commented on The Things We Carry 2015-11-13 11:47:15 -0800
    I feel a kinship with you and miss you. If you begin a blog elsewhere, will you let us know?

  • commented on Pockets of Loss 2015-09-29 04:52:26 -0700
    “As much as it hurts, I am grateful for these pockets of loss”. I like your imagery that these are pockets, not the whole coat. I can still wrap love’s coat around me. When I am insistent that it be HIS love, all I see is this glaringly empty pocket. When I engage with the larger community, be they people, or those who exist beyond my sight, spirit only now, I take love’s coat, wrap it round, and breathe in its warmth. It has been so hard to change my focus to the coat. Reading your posts help. I am contemplative by nature. Even when I shore myself with solitude, I have my choice: notice the pocket, or note the coat.

  • commented on Fellow Grief Travellers 2015-09-14 05:01:33 -0700
    You are so fortunate to have a sibling with concern for your wellbeing, one who can grasp the massive fallout from grief and validate your experience. I wish you both much love and peace!

  • commented on Seeing in Color 2015-08-21 05:33:54 -0700
    I am so delighted for you, who delight in colors and nature again! I finally recovered the capacity to marvel, too. It took a very long time, ten years, in fact. I’ve heard of something called ‘complicated grief’ and this fits. Beyond my grief for his death was my grief over previous losses and childhood betrayal, that I hadn’t felt my way through and healed, during our marriage. My husband loved me completely, with an allegiance and devotion that I basked in. For a few years after his death, I lived on memories, but memories are like air, and air isn’t grounding in the precious present. Eventually I took a deep breath, and consented inwardly to explore my deeply embedded and unexpressed pain, to explore my very expectations of life and self identity. It took help from myriad sources. Yes, it upset my applecart. whole new applecart emerged. Now, I feel ample love for awesome me. All of us, we are ALL awesome! Sometimes my heart bursts and overflows, like yours does today. I feel peace and gratitude in the present, without a dear, devoted man at my side. I am here. Yay! I marvel that there is such a good and positive world beyond him. The colors of fall are awesome!