Doing It All

My hands hurt from the day from carrying heaving boxes and fixing things around the house. Today, I had to build my little girl a toy box. I will say it took me some time, but I got it done correctly. My back hurts from all the lifting I did, in loading and unloading Costco groceries in 110-degree weather. I miss the days where I had my husband and he would just tell me to get in the car with our little girl. I have bruises on my body from carrying heavy things. Why don’t I just ask for help people might wonder? Well, it’s because everyone has their own life. This is the reality of being not only a single parent, but the only parent. 

My husband used to fix everything at our house. He would even help me cook and clean at times. He would help me make decisions, as we shared a beautiful partnership in our marriage. I reminisce on those times, and I wish I can go back in time. But the reality of it is, that I can’t. Nothing will bring my husband back. So I just have to deal with the reality of things and push forward. 

I will say, I am getting handier when it comes to doing things that I wasn’t used too. I am growing as a woman, a mother, and as the head of the household. When you are a widow, you not only deal with the emotional and psychological aspect of things. You also deal with the physical pieces that your partner used to help you with. It’s incredibly hard doing it all. I am not only emotionally scarred, but I also have the physical scars that come with this. But I do believe this makes us more resilient in life. This is a type of resilience that is much greater and goes much deeper. Only those who travel and have traveled in the shoes of being a single and ONLY parent truly know. We know because we do it all. 

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  • Mari Posa
    commented 2019-09-09 23:41:28 -0700
    Caroline, thank you for your post. Your husband would tell you “you’ll figure it out”. Mine used to tell me, “just follow your heart”. They are missed in every way, but we are stronger each day that we make it without them. As hard as it is. We are doing it!

    Lynne, most people don’t have the slightest clue how hard this path really is. They won’t know until they wear the shoes that we are traveling in.

    Justme- I miss my partner in crime, my teammate and my best friend every day. It’s hard not to have their companionship any longer. But we are lucky enough to have known great love, that some never get to experience.
  • Shellie Bryant
    commented 2019-09-09 08:26:36 -0700
    this. I miss our team.
  • Lynne Gallego
    commented 2019-09-08 18:07:29 -0700
    100% truth! It’s so nice to find someone who understands! Most people don’t have a clue!
  • Caroline Brown
    commented 2019-09-08 17:24:32 -0700
    Almost every post I read is as if it were my post. My husband was also the guy who could fix everything and he got right to it. I see him in every inch of my daily life. When I used to ask him about our financial workings and to show me how to do this or that, he would say “you’ll figure it out.” I have but it is so different when you don’t have that long established, special person there to work on it with, even if it is only make a salad for dinner.