Diane Taylor

  • commented on Its About You 2019-09-04 04:20:26 -0700
    I love all your writings Kelley – everyone at Soaring Spirits is amazing. I am not a widow but I am a mother who lost her only child 7 years ago. It is a road I never EVER thought I would be traveling down, but here I am.

    After 4 miscarriages, I was blessed to bring a sweet 10 pound baby boy into this world on 4/25/87 – we named him Jonathan. My life changed forever on that day. Jonathan grew into an amazing human, smart as can be, with a huge imagination and a deep love of preserving this earth for future generations. I watched him with awe and wonder – and just knew he was going to take on the world by storm. He got a job at the US Geological Survey, doing what he loved: working in the field, gathering water and soil samples, and writing reports of statistics and things I could never understand lol! In 2011, one of his papers was chosen to be published in the journal of Ecology, a well respected journal in his field. I watched with pride as he accomplished goal after goal. He found a cool apartment in West Virginia and loved to cook in his own kitchen. He took part in Iron Man competitions, and Tough Mudders…..there was nothing he couldn’t do!

    On the afternoon of March 1, 2012, Jonathan came home from work, and started cooking dinner for himself. The events that happened next will never make sense to me – but a fire broke out in the kitchen and my strong, smart son was overcome by smoke and never make it out. Paramedics found him on the floor, trying to crawl to the front door to get out.

    The empty space in my life will never be filled – there is no other child for me to “focus” on. Just me and my husband (Jonathan’s stepdad). There will be no grad school, no wedding day, no grandkids for me to spoil (selfish I know). My goal now is to try and start/end each day with a heart of gratitude. Whatever happens during the day….all bets are off on what can happen or where my heart feels shattered and helpless. I miss him with every breath I take.

    Jonathan Paul Daily – age 24….his obituary……

    https://www.piedmontsub.com/Jonathan.shtml

  • commented on Daring to be Vulnerable 2018-10-09 04:27:23 -0700
    What a beautiful, worth while project Sarah. You have shown me and countless others that grief is an emotion that each of us will experience at some point in our lives. Noone is ever promised a pain free life. I am praying that your funding comes thru so the world can see your amazing art/pictures.

  • commented on A New Grief Project 2018-10-02 04:08:40 -0700
    Hi Sarah oh my this sounds like an amazing project. I am not a widow – but a am a grieving mother who lost her only child 6 years ago (in 2012). Would this project be for just widows or all who have lost someone dear to them? Every day I wear a “mask” in public to hide my feelings. I smile and laugh and try to be positive. But those moments when I am vulnerable and raw are the ones I wish people could see sometimes. I can’t wait to hear more about your project!!!!

    Diane from Baltimore MD

  • commented on Get Along, Grief Shamers 2018-07-18 04:31:54 -0700
    Allison I love this post soooo much. I lost my only child Jonathan in 2012 when his apartment caught fire. He was 24 and had his whole life ahead of him. Over the last 6 years I have heard SO MANY TIMES that I need to “move on”…..“let go”……“live my life”…..but what I really want to hear was ………

    It never gets any fucking easier. I continue to grieve, in my own way, on my own time, and don’t give a flying fuck what people think anymore. I have all this love inside for my child – and nowhere for it to go. So I find people who are in need – and do small acts of kindness. My #1 grief shamer was (and still is) my youngest sister. Sad. It makes family reunions so much more enjoyable……….NOT!!!

    Anyway – thank you for these words. I know grief shamers will always be around me. I just choose not to acknowledge them anymore.

  • commented on As this Odyssey of Love Expands~ 2017-12-13 10:54:48 -0800
    insert so many tears thru my smiles

    My son Jonathan Paul Daily – my only child who died in a fire at age 24 on 3/1/12.

    I would be SO GRATEFUL to add his name – it’s a gift that means more than any material crap :):)

  • commented on Life Goes On 2017-11-03 07:59:34 -0700
    Hi Kelley, bot did this ruing true for me. As a mother who lost her only child over 5 years ago, I have heard these very words myself!!! You see, I have 3 sisters. My oldest sister has been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters whom I love so very much. My next oldest sister has 2 sons – her oldest son Kevin passed away in a motorcycle accident in 2003, right before my wedding. What a fucking nightmare that was for all of us. Then there is me, with my sweet son Jonathan, who became my life after I divorced his dad in 1993. Then my youngest sister, who has 2 precious sons and is pretty spoiled and a bit self centered. Now – guess which one said those words to me??? Yup – baby sis. More than once. After reading your post, I guess I should try to see this from her side and not think “How fucking rude!!!” or ‘You have no fucking idea how this feels"! She keeps on saying it, typing it in her emails, etc……and I just try to ignore it. You are right – as time moves forward, I find those pockets of joy, where for just a bit, I forget how my heart hurts. I laugh out loud. I see movies just because Jonathan would love them (Deadpool, I’m looking at you).

    Anyway – there is a life beyond those words. I am attending my nephew’s wedding next weekend (his brother is the one who died 14 years ago) and I know I will cry my eyes out. All these happy moments will always come with a bit of sadness – I know you understand that better than most people.

    Thanks for a great post today. All my best!

    Diane Taylor

  • commented on Hiatus 2017-08-01 06:39:50 -0700
    Kelley – sorry I want to ask you what type of treatment did they give you? How did they figure out this was the cause????

  • commented on The Tree of Grief 2017-07-28 04:00:23 -0700
    Hi Stephanie, long time reader but first time commenting. WOW this is so good. It reminds me of a book called “The Giving Tree” – one of my son’s favorites. I lost my 24 year old son Jonathan 5 years ago in a fire (he is my only child) and I have felt like that stump for SO LONG. It feels like forever. This year, something new sprung up in me. I have no idea where or how or why. But I feel like I have turned a corner of sorts. Your post about this tree is exactly how I am feeling right now. I know I didn’t lose my partner – but the writings on this blog have drawn me in, so much of what you all write about hits home with me. Thank you for this post and reminding me that good things do grow from the dirt.

  • commented on New Love 2017-07-05 04:18:52 -0700
    This makes me SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!! Fantastic news Kelley!!!! I have been praying for this to happen. God’s timing is always perfect.

  • commented on Dear new widows, 2017-04-05 04:26:15 -0700
    Hi Michelle, THANK YOU for these beautiful words you shared with that grieving mother. I too lost a child – my only child – 5 long hard years ago, at age 24, my son Jonathan Paul Daily died inside his first apartment, trapped by fire and overcome by smoke. I truly felt like I wanted to die and be with him. Every part of my body hurt. I wanted answers as to what caused that fire. And somehow I found this blog with people talking about grief. I found some comfort here. And I have continued to read it. Now I do find that light peeking thru the clouds. I do see my son’s story continue to be written. And I am the one that keeps turning the page.

    THANK YOU for caring – I am so sorry for your loss :(:(

  • commented on Seaworthy 2017-03-28 04:27:23 -0700
    WOW Kelley – this story made the hair on the back of my neck stand up – Michelle is a wise one – she knew what you needed. What an amazing experience. Gives me so much hope, even though I am not a widow, being a grieving parent who has lost her only child has it’s own set of challenges :(My little story of the week:

    This past Saturday, I had to take a quick trip to our beach house to check on things. I have a rental car right now while my car is being repaired so I was not happy about having to drive this car 150 miles (call me paranoid!!). Before I left, I was in the process of packing up some of my son’s belongings into newly purchased bins. It was time to move some of these things to the attic. As I packed up, something fell to the floor – I picked it up and tears welled up immediately in my eyes. It was the “Jonathan-and-Moms-roadtrip-cd-case” – holy shit. I thought this has been lost in the fire that took my son’s life. And I had a road trip ahead of me that I had been DREADING – suddenly it was an opportunity to relive our mother and son road trip music. Harry Chapin! Forrest Gump Soundtrack! Mario Brothers movie soundtrack! Godspell! I cried a bunch but also laughed at some of those songs. The universe gave me a chance to focus on the good stuff – those many road trips we took together have such great memories for me. I had buried them deep. Now they were flying free, in a rented Jeep Patriot as I flew down Route 50 towards Ocean City MD :):)

    Crazy right???

    I love your stories so much – and I can’t wait to read your book.

    Sending you love Kelley :):):)

  • commented on Overload 2017-01-24 04:10:18 -0800
    Hi Kelley – no worries!! I am so sorry you are on overload :(:( But I know we will all benefit from your words, you are so gifted. Don is BEAMING with pride right now, I just know it.

  • commented on The Journey of a River 2017-01-24 04:08:42 -0800
    I love this post so much Sarah – thank you :):) Your words have a way of calming my spirit!

  • commented on Felt Like Goodbye 2017-01-17 04:25:31 -0800
    Kelly holy hell I can’t even type right now after reading this. There are no words.

    A little story: ever since I lost my son Jonathan, I had been searching for a new church. I found one last May and have been going a lot. Every Wed nite there is a 7pm service by candlelight, it has been helping me to cope with my loss. Last week I was the greeter for the service and spoke with a lovely woman who had 2 of her children with her. Her name is Katie Malone. A brief encounter but I remembered it – her baby was so adorable. The next morning (Jan 12th) I woke up to the news that Katie’s home had burned to the ground and claimed the lives of 6 of her children. 6 children – two of them I had met the night before. My son Jonathan died in a fire in his apartment – so this news had me shaking and in a puddle of tears. Her beautiful home is right around the corner from me. You could smell the smoke from my house. Talk about a trigger. All I could think about was meeting them on Wednesday night – that beautiful baby, gone. Every chance given to us to make a small difference in someone’s life should not be taken for granted.

    I will be praying for your friend – she sounds like such a wonderful person. I honestly can’t wait to read your book :):)

  • commented on Fight Hate With Love 2016-07-11 03:57:25 -0700
    I admire you so much Kelley, thank you for putting this post together, I cannot imagine how hard this must be without Don. I too wonder what my son Jonathan would think about all this, if he were still here with me. He would absolutely laugh long and hard at even the prospect of a Trump being a presidential candidate. I pray for humanity, for all that we have lost, and for all that is to come.

  • commented on A Letter from Before, and Beyond 2016-05-09 05:25:27 -0700
    This is BEAUTIFUL and heart breaking at the same time. Those land mines are so sneaky, aren’t they? I am not a widow but a mother whose only child (a son) died 4 years ago. It took me 3 years to start going thru his things. I came across a box of cards and things he kept on his desk at his workplace. One of those things was one of those small photo strips you get at the mall or a video game arcade, in black and white. It was the two of us – Jonathan was maybe 8 years old. We were just being goofy. Something I thought I would never see in his “work treasures” box. I tear up every time I think of it :)

  • commented on The Champ 2016-05-02 07:19:49 -0700
    Hi Kelly – omg this is horrible. I knew dating sites were bad but not THIS BAD. That war incredibly brave of you. I hope that your friendship with Mr. March continues – praying for you!!!!

  • commented on Growing Me Up 2016-04-18 12:14:48 -0700
    Kelley – thank you, I love your Friday posts. I actually replied to one of yours earlier this year. You are amazing – I will keep on praying for you.

  • commented on Back to Start 2016-04-11 12:03:16 -0700
    Kelly – I don’t know you from adam. I am not a widow. I lost my son 4 years ago and with him went every piece of my heart. I am so sorry for all you have gone thru – this just sucks big time. Honestly I have no F**KING idea what God is doing up there. No idea at all. When good people have to suffer like this and the good ones are taken from us…..I don’t know. It just hurts like a hot knife going thru butter. Just wanted to say how sorry I am. Thanks for listening. You are a good person who has given so much to the world already.

  • commented on Keep Them Alive at Christmas 2015-12-28 04:31:47 -0800
    I know I shouldn’t be posting here about my loss since it is not a spouse but my son Jonathan but……it is unavoidable, the holidays without him (my only child) are excruciating. My favorite memory of holidays with Jonathan is that we ALWAYS went to a Christmas Tree farm to pick out and cut down our own tree – of the trees we picked out over the years!!! Jonathan was/is a HUGE Monty Python fan and he always sand “The Lumberjack Song” while cutting the tree. People would laugh at us but we didn’t care. I try to do it without him but it just doesn’t sound the same. We also went every year to see Trans Siberian Orchestra – I have made myself go without him and get lost in the music, hoping he is right there with me to see it all somehow.