A very wise woman (also a widow) once me that when things get really-rock-bottom-bad; find a distraction.
A new distraction that doesn't carry the weight of memories that include him.
I do a range of things at 2am when the darkness creeps in. I read (always a solitary activity for me), or play endless games of solitaire and then pin things on Pinterest. Anything soporific enough to induce sleep.
But in the day time, I take pictures.
I take lots of pictures.
I edit lots of pictures.
It is my go-to distraction for when life becomes tedious.
But to take the kinds of pictures I like to take, I need to walk.
I need to walk a lot over uneven ground whilst carrying a (surprisingly heavy) 1.4kg camera and a light but oddly shaped tripod.
Graceful, I am not. Even with two working legs.
.... so it has been rather difficult to go on photowalks with a foot that is still badly sprained and bruised (thankfully, not as swollen as in that pictures from last week).
....and I could feel the tendrils of darkness creeping in again.
So last weekend, I took myself on a meandering stroll (limp) along a solid, even pathway.
...and the distraction worked.
My foot is still sore and I still feel sorry for myself, but by distracting myself from grief long enough to create something of beauty was enough to reset my mood meter.
I know the grief is still there and I know it cannot be avoided nor circumvented, but these brief distractions when life turns to ash are enough to keep me going.
Thanks Megan - your advice still works so well....