Damned Either Way

So I missed a week. I didn’t have a blog post for last week and I felt bad like I had let a bunch of people down in some way. I mean, I know it is a voluntary thing but I don’t like missing deadlines and I don’t like making an excuse. I create pressure that doesn’t exist. The sink is full of dishes. The carpet hasn’t been vacuumed. I almost ran out of gas in my car because I can’t focus on what “a day in the life of” should be.

UGGGHHHHHH!! I hate that phrase! “Don’t make an excuse”. I have been taught my whole life that I can’t make excuses for things but when is it not an excuse and it’s a legitimate reason? Who gets to decide? It always seems like it is the person that has everything going right in their life. I have this voice inside me that keeps telling me that talking about Tin is now just an excuse to not do things. Meanwhile, I will admit that I am hesitating to look at a bookcase of objects in the next room because it hurts.

So when is hurting not an excuse but an acceptable emotion? When is it considered acceptable emotion without other motives? Why does there feel like there is a social timeline for when a heart is done being broken? My heart will never be fixed. It may heal but there will always be a scar and I guess that scar is the reminder that losing Tin is a battle that most people don’t have to suffer. Losing your person is never an excuse. Losing your person is heartbreaking…

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