12_23_11.jpgI'll start today with a few toasts to the holidays! Cheers! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! and drum roll please.....Death still Sucks!

Two more days til Christmas, and as usual....I'm not ready yet. I still have a shopping list, I've still not wrapped my gifts, and I haven't watched all the movies I want to see or drank all the eggnog in the fridge. BUT, I'm working on it! 

Carl, on the other hand, is done with his shopping and has only two gifts left to wrap....he's incredible! I'm not threatened though...this is how I roll at Christmas, and while everyone is nestled all snug in their beds, I'll be up wrapping gifts and watching "Scrooged" until 2 am. It's a tradition developed as an only parent - squeezing in the shopping, wrapping, etc while the little guy sleeps, and doing it all by myself.

This year is so different, it makes my head spin. Carl has done some of my shopping, and I've been able to do some shopping by myself too. Carl took G shopping for me - he did it last year too, and it was so nice not to have to ask someone to take him (note to friends and family of widowed folks - take your widowed friend's kids shopping for them - it has to be done, and it is a difficult thing to ask for).

Grayson is on a different plane himself this year. His differences are mostly about age. He is old enough now to want to buy gifts himself and not just let me pick things out. Today, G and I will do some shopping. He's very excited to buy gifts for Carl and K, and has a couple ideas for his grandma too. I'm looking forward to some one on one time with G. We don't get as much of that as we used to, and we really enjoy the time when we get it. We'll head out with Christmas carols blasting in the car, stop for something fattening and caffeine-loaded at Starbucks, and hit it hard at the shops. My mom calls trips like this "combat shopping". I agree with this naming - we plan to take no prisoners! 

I re-read some previous year's Christmas posts from myself and others, and the difference is amazing. Although it doesn't seem like it can be possible, each year is a bit easier than the last. Overall, this Christmas my head is relatively quiet and my heart is pretty darn full. Death still sucks. Daniel still isn't here. But we ARE still here, and we are making the most of it. So to all of you my lovely widowed friends - from one of us who is a bit further along this trail. I'm holding a light up for you. It does get easier.

Cheers! Death sucks indeed, but life can still be good. My new year's wish for all of us is PEACE. Even if it only comes to you in fleeting moments, enjoy it when it does.

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