Eileen Lucas

  • commented on Changes and Things 2018-09-02 18:24:19 -0700
    I try to remember my husband of 42 years as well. I want to remember the so many good times, his unending smile, his way with others, his kindness, joy for life, his positivity, and the list can go on. I am filling boxes with some of his belongings to send to our son in another province; the hardest thing I had to do. I also look for that faint smell, the way the objects were used, etc. Some of the things are old, like a military backpack. I asked our son if he still wanted it and his reply was, “Mom, send me anything that dad owned that you don’t want.” He is grieving in his own way without me being there. We live so far away that visits are not often. But the joy I know he will have on his face when the moving truck brings his dad’s belongings will be priceless. March 11, of 2018 is sketched in our memory of losing our loved one, and life no matter how hard we try will never be the same.

  • commented on Getting Older Doesn't Suck 2018-08-30 21:19:55 -0700
    Olivia, a great article, but I think that where a person is in their life at the moment is how they react to if they agree to love or hate getting older. I always wanted to live a long and healthy life with my husband of 42 years, but my thinking changed when I lost him this year on March 11, 2018, to cancer. I turned 60 in June, but with the grieving that I am experiencing right now, does not make me want to shout for joy or live to be 100. Without the love of my life, my whole world is shattered and I struggle to live just another day without him. Right now I can’t focus enough to even think about getting older, achieving goals or going on adventures. My life is different for sure and hopefully, someday I may be in the frame of mind you are in right now, but at this very moment, getting older is not that great. As for older people’s health issues, sometimes they are not visible. I have a heart condition that caused four blockages, a degenerative bone disease since I was in my early 30’s that has taken three of my discs, both conditions not visible to others, and both are hereditary so I had no control over them. This restricts my activities. I look fine to others on the outside, but always hurting on the inside; Sometimes older people do have a lot of health issues and yes, we complain about getting older because there are days when it is not all that great and living another day in pain and suffering is not a good thing to look forward to. Those are just my thoughts right now. I may have a new perspective tomorrow!!!!

  • commented on Taking the Lead 2018-08-29 16:51:10 -0700
    What a beautiful picture and story!!! Nature helps to heal. So much beauty to see on those trips. Thanks for sharing!!!

  • commented on What Remains, In This After of You 2018-08-29 16:47:26 -0700
    Oh my, this is a fear I had; do the pain and sorrow ever leave or is it with us forever? I think my question has already been answered many times. Songs I have written about him and to him helps calm me. I listen to them over and over and last night I actually fell asleep listening to the recordings on my phone. I need to get them professionally recorded as this looks like it will be a long road. It scares me to no end. After 42 years of love and happiness, it was all taken away. If I hear, “everything happens for a reason one last time” I think I’ll roar like a lion at the person.

  • commented on Today I'am Ok But Not Everyday 2018-12-04 16:25:55 -0800
    So nice to hear from you, Antonella. Yes, I will give you my personal email. it is eileenlucas58@hotmail.com
    Please send me a message and then I’ll have yours. Wow!! you are still taking it hard as well. Everything you describe, I’ve been there, feel it and can’t seem to lift from the grief. I write my hubby every day, I actually have two journals. I think I have actually gone overboard with it all. It kind of disappointed me to hear that you saw a medium and it was no better for you. I am not sure what I will expect from this one, but if I could only get a glimmer of hope that I will move on in the near future. I walk around as if I don’t see anyone or if I’m the only person on the face of the earth, even though there are so many people around me.
    People have been wanting me to go out socializing as well, but my mind is not with it, and I really don’t want to do it. Like you, I know there are people who have no hope, like a brother of mine who is dying from throat and lung cancer. He has pneumonia and is very sick, sleeping all the time. He keeps telling me to have faith, but then I see him being so sick from the chemo and radiation. Reminds me so much of when my husband was sick, all the same things happening to him.
    I would love to keep writing in e-mail and also to keep in touch more.
    Yeah, I will have a look at the new site you found. I am trying my hardest to give anything a go to get back to who I used to be as well. Yeah, sadness is a great name for us, or for me, “crying eyes.” I do so much crying that my eyes hurt. LOL!!!
    Do take care and write when you get a chance.
    Eileen

  • signed up on join 2018-08-27 20:51:21 -0700