Bryan Martin

I’m approaching 40 yrs old this coming November. My 39th year was, by far, the worst I have ever had. My father passed away in June of 2017. Four months later my partner of 4 yrs was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. All of those dreams were taken as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday. I’m very much alone in a sleepy beach town we moved to only 2 years ago. Yeah I have some friends but not a circle of friends to help me through the days and all of my family lives up in Boston. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have. Is it just how life goes or does everything happen for a reason? If it is for a reason then I often wonder what I did to deserve this punishment….I can’t stop wondering that one unanswerable question….Why?


Another Trip Around the Widowed Sun

This was my second birthday since Tin passed. Last year I was the big 4-0 and I wasn’t ever expecting to be a widow at that age. One year later and another candle on the cake doesn’t add nearly enough light to illuminate this shadowy part of the year.

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  • commented on The Grief Summit 2019-09-15 18:12:16 -0700
    Thank you Kelley Lynn. Putting it down on “paper” is hard but if it helps someone else even the tiniest bit than the process is worth it. <3 <3 <3

  • commented on Widow's Roast 2018-08-28 12:02:21 -0700
    Omg! Mike, that was friggin’ hysterical!!!! Unfortunately, you’ll have to get used to me making you look bad. It’s good for you to think more about my needs than your own. It makes you a better wingman when we grab a beer. What can I say except you’re welcome? 💁🏼‍♂️

  • commented on Navigating My New Normal 2018-06-20 19:54:20 -0700
    Thank you everyone for your support. I appreciate the support and advice. I made it through the wedding with a few new invisible bruises but I’m continuing on my journey. Glad to have you all here with me…