Napping before the show....

I'm tired.

I've miscalculated my energy for this month, which has equated to many a'naps.

In the midst of the over-exertion and holiday bustle, I drained my tank with no one in sight to grab me some gas. It's just a month of lots of everything!

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a place for you, my love

12_11_09.JPGI've struggled this past year and a half to find the 'right' words to mark Jeff's life and his person on a commemorative bench on the West Coast of this island, in a the small fishing village where we met, fell in love and started our life together.

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six weeks ago

12_10_09.jpgtoday was tuesday.

and it sucked.

started the day working

on the stuff

i didn’t want to 

work on.

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Feeling Small .....

12_09_09.jpgI'm feeling a bit lost and small as I head towards the second year mark of Jim's death. This grief thing is so much bigger than I am and it draws me in to places I don't want to go.

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Wading Through

12_08_09.JPGSo it's been one of those weeks, filled with wonderful things: Widow's Rock Austin was a great time, with some great widows and friends of widows (thanks to all who came!!) and we raised money for Camp Widow 2010 (yay!!!); my sister surprised me at Widow's Rock - she flew in unexpectedly from England for the event and will stay for a week; Grayson had basketball tryouts and an awesome choir concert which went well....on the other hand the week was filled with stressful things: at work I have been second guessed and condescended to in ways I haven't since I was just starting out in my career, I have a had a crick in my neck for four days, and I have a nasty case of PMS....good times! 

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A Gift

12_06_09.JPGMy husband died less than one hour after being hit by a car on his bicycle. I arrived at the scene before the ambulance did, and stood at the foot of his bed in the emergency room as he took his last breath. I watched the color leave his face, and I recognized the moment when his spirit no longer inhabited his body. And I consider myself one of the lucky ones, because I was there for his last moments surrounding him with my love.

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I Believe in Fairy Tales

12_05_09.jpgMichael's my prince charming. He saved me from the poisoned apple, kissed me out of an eternal sleep, slayed the dragon, and swept me up into his safe arms. And as soon as I was swept up, I felt like he was pulled away from me.

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plumbing prowess and other miracles

12_04_09.JPGTonight, as I attempted to turn off the water to the tub, I was hit with a major plumbing emergency. Initially, as I was unable to shut off the water to the already very full bath, I thought, "Oh, *^%$#. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!!"
Turning the knob to the left did nothing. Turning it to the right had the same undesired effect. Saying my most favoured and shocking swearword, unfortunately, didn't help either....

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photos

12_03_09.jpgsunday night.

2:00am.

for the first time,

just saw some photos of 

liz

posted to flickr by anya

and i lost my shit.

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We Made It ....

12_02_09.JPGWidowhood is a very, very long road but we made it past Thanksgiving, didn't we? We may have not wanted to, it may have been yet another punch in the gut, it may have been less horrible than we anticipated .... but we did it.

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