Starting Over

08_12_09.JPGHave you ever had the urge to just get in your car one day and drive as far away as you could, leaving everyone and everything behind? Just start over where no one knows you? Where no one ...... KNEW you?

I'm guessing that many of you have because of all you've gone through. I'm wondering if anyone has actually done it.

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Making New Footprints (continued)

08_11_09.JPGDo you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Well I do. :) I'm missing New Orleans right now. My stomach is missing it especially, OMG did we have some amazing meals last weekend in that city. But, better than the food, we made some amazing memories.

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Willing To Jump

08_10_09.JPGThis photo was taken at Lake Mead in Nevada about two weeks before Phil died. We were on a family vacation with some wonderful friends, and spent some time in a gorgeous cove. You are looking at Phil and my daughter, Caitlin, preparing to jump off of those rocks into the lake below. Notice that I am not up on the rocks.

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Journey

08_09_09.JPGI know you are expecting me to talk about some kind of emotional journey right now. But this time I mean the band Journey. Eighties sensation; soundtrack to many of the moments of my youth; authors of some of the best love songs ever...THAT Journey!

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On Cruise Control

08_08_09.jpgLately, I've felt as if I've been on cruise control. It was turned on, set, and smooth sailing from that point on.

Now while many would say how fantastic that may be after sailing roughly through the squalls of widowhood, the calm waters actually make me uneasy. The irony in this realization can't stop me from snickering and letting out a laugh.

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Finally...

08_07_09.jpgYep - that's me at the steering thingy, getting ready to park the boat. I mean moor it or anchor it or whatever it was that we were doing.

Anyhow, it finally happened. Our first fight. On the boat. Our first honest-to-goodness fight. After it was over, and we had both listened, (at least I think I listened), I said to him "Wasn't that great? We had our first fight!"

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The 3 Amigos

08_06_09.JPGAfter David died the quantity of my friends were seriously reduced. Most feared approaching me, most didn't know what to say when they did... Some pretended like his death never happened. It was a filtering process. At first, the filtering process surprised me. I didn't want to lose friends... especially those who knew David... but it was inevitable.

What I didn't know was that I would gain many more. 

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Another First .....

.... with less waves and more new memories. At least for today.

And that's how I take my days ..... one at a time.

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Making New Footprints

08_04_09.jpgThis weekend would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe this is the fourth one I will celebrate without him. Inconceivable really, and yet here it is. Another year passed. Our last anniversary together, lucky number 13, we went to dinner at our favorite restaurant (the Little Texas Bistro, damn I miss that place). The last three years I’ve done something on that day to celebrate, and this year will be no different. 

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What Kind of Man?

08_01_09_2.JPGWhat kind of man is capable of loving a widow? Would he always wonder if he measured up to the dead man whose image has a prominent place in my bedroom? How would he handle the mention of said dead husband in everyday conversation? At some point would he tire of having to be patient while a grief wave rolled, unannounced, over his girl? What would having a partner who was deeply in love with someone else be like? Um, could I do that? Could I love someone confidently knowing that they loved someone else with a deep, undying passion? How would standing beside a person who spends 90% of her time talking about, writing about, and thinking about her dead husband make me feel?

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