A Lighter Shade of Blue ....

10_7_09.jpgI, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here's to the color getting lighter!).

But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I'll realize what I'm doing and stop ..... and be amazed.

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Lordy look who's 40....

10_6_09.JPGNext week is my 40th, hard to believe really. Forty has an odd significance for me. I met my husband when I was 16. When he proposed to me at 22 (we reunited after a couple of years of not seeing each other in college), I remember him telling me I was beautiful....BUT..... Beautiful but what?? "Beautiful", he said, "but I know you'll be stunning when you're 40. I just know it." Interesting to be 40 and he's not around to tell me if I'm stunning in his eyes or not.

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Another Musical Monday

10_5_09.JPGOkay, consider yourself warned about the potential for tears when reading my musical Monday posts. Teary eyed smiles are a good thing, right? Today's song was written, and performed, by a good friend of mine, and has been the background for a few intense moments for me ;)

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Experiencing

10_3_09.jpgDoing things that Michael and I would have enjoyed together was once unthinkable. "If he's not here to enjoy them then I shouldn't" was a philosophy that was stuck in my brain the first months after his passing.

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renovated reactions

10_2_09.JPGOn the day our daughter, Liv, first started preschool, my husband, Jeff, and I dropped her off together. We helped her off with her coat. We put her shoes on the mat. Then, we stared expectantly at her wondering (possibly hoping) if she would start to cry and demand that we stay. She didn't. In fact, Liv told us with thirteen year old form, "You can go NOW." Jeff and I left feeling excited, rather sad and comforted with the camaraderie of parenthood. Both our cellphones sat on the table anticipating an urgent call to come retrieve our distraught daughter while we sat in a coffee shop waiting for her two hours of separation from us to be over.

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Expired

10_1_09.jpgI just received a notice from the Fictitious Business Name Renewal Center. Apparently Phil's fictitious business name will expire if he doesn't pay the $125 fee before September 28, 2009. Somehow I don't think the check will arrive in time. Seems this company has no record of Phil's death. The fact that there could be any organization left that I haven't called, faxed, e-mailed, sent a letter, filled out a form, or sent yet another death certificate confirming that my husband is indeed dead, is truly amazing. 

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This, Too, Shall Pass ....

09_30_09.jpgIt's time to be brutally honest and up front with all of you. Proceed with caution.
Before I write this confession, I must also confess that there's no way that I believe I am alone in this. And that is why I decided to write about it.

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Not Dead Yet

09_29_09.jpgI had another run in with death this week...No, not a friend or family member. This time it was me. How, you might ask?

"Ms. Dippel, we are having a problem verifying your credit for your cable installation.....(uncomfortable pause....) um, Ms. Dippel, uh, has anyone ever told you that you show up as "deceased" on your credit report?"

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Compare and Contrast

09_28_09_1.JPGYes, your eyes are working well. I have actually posted a photo of Phil and I above a photo of me and my boyfriend, Michael. Why? While I was interviewing widows several years ago, I spoke to many women who were in new relationships. I asked each of these ladies..."Do you compare your new partner to your former husband?" Without exception they said, "No."09_28_09.JPG

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8 Strangers

09_27_09.jpgPeace comes tonight in the form of 8 strangers. Mexican and Jewish, white and other, one young with child on the way, one older with a young child, spiritual, long haired, outgoing and quiet, well dressed and unclipped toe nails.

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