I Will Try to Fix You

01_05_10.jpgI love this song and the message it holds. As long as I'm clear on what the word "fix" means to me in this concept. If "fixing" means that I am broken and someone has the magical fairy dust that will make me "happy" and make me "forget", than I don't like this song a bit. On the other hand if "fixing" means you will love me, accept me for who I am and where I have been, than this is a great song. 

Read more
Add your reaction Share

I've Got The Memories

01_03_10.jpgFrom a song from the movie, Prince Caspian. I have heard it many times before.
Tonight I HEARD it.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

2010

Well, it's 2010.

I remember going into 2008 without Michael. It was the first year in which no history or memories would include him, a year in which reality took its place next to me on my throne of grief. It's funny how my mind also worked in ways to revert back to a time when he was still living. I'd sign checks with 2007, set dates with friends on the phone or email with that year... it was, in a way, symbolic of my heart holding on to something not tangible... going into a year with Michael by my side.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

Entering the New Year

01_01_10.JPGGrief has changed my perception of time. Ever since Phil died I have found myself wondering each New Year's Eve where the last year has gone, and some years wondering how I managed to survive the waves and sucker punches that grief delivered on a very regular basis throughout the previous year. And yet I have survived: one year, one month, one day, one minute at a time to find my way in this strange new world missing many of the certainties that provided the basis for life as I once knew it.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

a new year

matt_and_camera.jpg31st.

last day of the year.

i wonder how 

it’s gonna feel, 

leaving this one behind?

probably not as good

as i hoped.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

A Mending Heart

Yes, I can feel my heart mending. Not healing, really, because I don't think it will ever be completely healed, but it will mend and have a permanent scar upon it.

But in the mending process I'm also finding out that it's growing a bit larger.
You see, I have met someone and we are truly enjoying each other's company and learning to care for each other.
Read more
Add your reaction Share

Lordy Lordy Look Who's 40!

Masquerade_Michele.jpgForty and fabulous, for sure!! There is no doubt in my mind that this birthday may be one of the best ever for our wonderful Michele. I soooo wish I could be there, but if it is humanly possible to be there "in spirit" - I'm there.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

My Screensaver Moment

babies_and_aunties.jpgThe other night as I was wrapping gifts in my office, I glanced up at my computer screen. My screen saver is a slide show of all the photos saved on my computer. Each new photo brought a smile to my face as the last few years of parties, milestones, and random poses of family and friends lit up my desktop. 

Read more
Add your reaction Share

Daffodils

images.jpgI am like the daffodils that are blooming in my back yard (yes they bloom 2x a year in LA. I thankfully bloom more often.)

Read more
Add your reaction Share

A Stocking Full of Memories

photo71.jpgLast Christmas my family started incorporating Michael back into Christmas by filling a stocking full of gift-cards, gadgets and more that Michael would have loved....but I could use. It was heart warming to see them remember and bring to life some of his favorite things and places from memories passed.

Read more
Add your reaction Share