a new year

matt_and_camera.jpg31st.

last day of the year.

i wonder how 

it’s gonna feel, 

leaving this one behind?

probably not as good

as i hoped.

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A Mending Heart

Yes, I can feel my heart mending. Not healing, really, because I don't think it will ever be completely healed, but it will mend and have a permanent scar upon it.

But in the mending process I'm also finding out that it's growing a bit larger.
You see, I have met someone and we are truly enjoying each other's company and learning to care for each other.
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Lordy Lordy Look Who's 40!

Masquerade_Michele.jpgForty and fabulous, for sure!! There is no doubt in my mind that this birthday may be one of the best ever for our wonderful Michele. I soooo wish I could be there, but if it is humanly possible to be there "in spirit" - I'm there.

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My Screensaver Moment

babies_and_aunties.jpgThe other night as I was wrapping gifts in my office, I glanced up at my computer screen. My screen saver is a slide show of all the photos saved on my computer. Each new photo brought a smile to my face as the last few years of parties, milestones, and random poses of family and friends lit up my desktop. 

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Daffodils

images.jpgI am like the daffodils that are blooming in my back yard (yes they bloom 2x a year in LA. I thankfully bloom more often.)

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A Stocking Full of Memories

photo71.jpgLast Christmas my family started incorporating Michael back into Christmas by filling a stocking full of gift-cards, gadgets and more that Michael would have loved....but I could use. It was heart warming to see them remember and bring to life some of his favorite things and places from memories passed.

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this day

img026.jpgAs you wake this Christmas morning, you may feel alone lying in your bed. You may feel far from your beloved that you've lost. You may cry and feel sorry for yourself. You may watch your children open their presents as tears roll down your cheeks.

But know that we are not alone.

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Merry Memories

12_24_09.jpgThis Christmas the veil between where Phil is and where I am seems to be much thinner than in years past. Michelle and I once talked about the "feeling" of knowing our husbands were in the room.

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what she would want

choosing_tree.jpgi took maddy to

the same christmas 

tree lot we went

to last year. 

she helped me

pick out a tree,

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Savor the Moments

12_23_09.jpgSometimes it seems that grief wipes out every feeling except despair. Nothing matters, no moment is free of sadness, food doesn't taste good, family time is painful, memories are daggers to the heart, and life does not feel like a gift.

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