a year

4_8_10.jpga year?

yes.

a year.

what a difference

a year doesn’t make.

or does it?

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It's No Longer the First Thing .....

4_7_10.jpg.... that I think of in the morning.

It occurred to me the other day .... that my first thought in the morning is no longer ..... "Jim is dead".

In fact, my first thought now isn't even about Jim.

This realization gives me mixed feelings.

I feel happy that grief doesn't occupy my every thought now.

But I also feel sad ...... that it doesn't.

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Forty Years Ago Today

4_6_10.jpgForty years ago today you were born. I think angels must have been singing (or at least giggling) when they bestowed that gift on your parents. If only they'd known what trouble you would get into...they might have been better prepared! :)

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Me and Betsey

I don't do lawns. There are many jobs I have tackled to prove that I am a strong, capable woman, but lawn mowing has never been one of them. Growing up my brothers mowed the lawn, after I married my husband mowed the lawn, and after he died the lawn took on a life of its own. Because who the heck was going to mow it now??

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What Has Endured

Before my husband Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity...but only in the abstract because my beliefs about death were untested until August 31, 2005. 

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Greener Grass?

4_4_10.jpgSometimes I wish he had died instantly. Here one moment, gone the next.

My friend, whose husband did die instantly, wishes she had a chance to say good-bye like I did.

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Sure of You

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh?’ he whispered.
‘Yes, Piglet?’
‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’”
-
A.A. Milne


I'd be lying if there weren't moments where I begged for a sign, dream, feeling that you were here...around.

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lost and found

4_2_10.jpgI often can't help but thinking that I have mourned each facet of the loss of my love at least once. Each sad thought, each emotion explored or mulled over for its' initial contemplation. I feel that often times, I am going over previously pondered thoughts and ruminating. Picking apart and reassembling.

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passport

4_1_10.jpgbeen sort of 

dreading this day.

have to get madeline

a passport for our

upcoming trip to the banff.

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I Will Survive ....

3_31_10.jpg..... even though it did take two years for me to believe it.

I will.

.... even though it took two years for me to want to.

I will.

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