I Will Survive ....

3_31_10.jpg..... even though it did take two years for me to believe it.

I will.

.... even though it took two years for me to want to.

I will.

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Relapse

3_30_10.jpgAnother countdown. 40. Six months ago I celebrated 40. Next week would be Daniel's 40th. He only made it to 35, and now he'd be 40. Shit.

Amazingly enough, I think his birthday is harder for me than my own was. Mine sucked in it's own special way, but this is different. I'm actually 40. I'm aging. I'm alive. He's not 40. He's not aging. He's not alive. 

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Owning My Path

3_29_10.jpg"As a widow you will learn that the only choice that ultimately brings peace is walking the path of grief that has your name on it. The only way to walk with grief is to meet it head on and know that those who have walked before you have survived." ~Linda Perrone Rooney

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Ugly

3_28_10.jpg“He’s in our thoughts and prayers.”

“We are sending a blanket of love.”

Those are words I read today about a boy, who like Art is

battling his second round of cancer.

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He Did It

Michael did.

Not through buildings, books, televisions or how much money he had in his account- but through lives.

The lives he touched with his words, kindness, support. The lives he touched through his love, encouragement and unfaltering friendship.

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deux ans

3_26_10.jpgDeux ans. Two anniversaries of the day I lost my huge, hairy and hilarious husband.
I've learned so very much in these two short years. A lifetime of lessons. Lessons I didn't really want to know.

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its complicated

3_25_10.jpgspent time with a relatively

new friend.

a widow with far

too much in common.

the number 25 shows

up so often for both of us that

i’ve suggested we both

stop using quarters.

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Romance, the Second Time Around ....

3_24_10.jpeg..... is not a walk in the freakin' park.

Don't get me wrong .... it can certainly be wonderful ..... but it also can really piss me off.

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If Every Second Counts on a Clock That's Ticking

3_23_10.jpgIt's a musical Tuesday. This is one that keeps getting stuck in my head, and the meaning of the words isn't lost on me. I'm sure most of us get it. The question that still remains is this: "what will I do with this knowledge?" I didn't want to understand this. I'd have rather lived to be much older without the dark knowledge of the shortness of our lives. But I didn't. I learned it earlier than some. What will I do with this knowledge? I don't know yet, what I do know is that I try to live in the moment. It's challenging for me. I'm getting better at it. I promise to keep trying.

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What I Can Do

3_22_10.JPGFrom the minute I was told that Phil was dead I have been tortured by things I could not do. Initially, the fact that no amount of hoping, denying, praying, or screaming was going to bring him back to life haunted my days. I was obsessed with the idea that the world would be whole again only when someone with a magic wand brought me back my husband.

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