Adding it All Up~

April 21, 2013.

11:21 pm.

It all stopped at that moment.

He took a quick breath in.

So did I.

And that was it.

And the clock continued ticking.

It ticked into today.

June 25, 2019.

194,915,716 seconds.

3,248,595 minutes.

54,143 hours.

2,255 days.

322 weeks.

74 months.

6 years.

Time is relentless, isn't it?

It continues on, no matter what.

Same as life.

I've wandered around within those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.

I know I've accomplished shit, but it's difficult to put it into words.

I know I've done Chuck proud, same as when he was alive.

It's harder now, doing him proud, without any feedback from him.

But I do it anyways.

Wandering around within time is what I do, and I'm okay with that, honestly.

I feel no need to keep up with the world at large.

Or compete with anyone over anything.

I'm satisfied to let my heart guide me into whatever/wherever I need to be.

Time is meaningless to me, and more meaningful than ever to me,

As my soul beats out its' rhythm.

Time is relentless and unforgiving.

And I'm okay within that, in my world where nothing is okay because Chuck stays dead no matter how I count Time.

Time is a cadence count into the next second/minute/hour/days/weeks/months/years of my life.

It just keeps going and I keep doing shit that may or may not matter to anyone but myself.

I just keep trying to grow Love into each of those measureable beats.

Just Love, I tell myself. 

Open to Love.

Become Love.

Be Love in every way.

It's the only way I can stay connected to my dead husband.

To Chuck.

Because he was Love. 

We were Love.

And now, I'm Love for both of us.

It's my lifeline~


Showing 4 reactions

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  • Sandra McDonagh
    commented 2019-06-27 03:42:02 -0700
    6 years Alison.
    Is it as hard as year 1?
    I’m at 81 days.
  • Sandra McDonagh
    commented 2019-06-27 03:40:49 -0700
    Beautiful Alison x
  • Michele Louthan
    commented 2019-06-26 20:45:51 -0700
    This really resonated with me. Specifics may vary, but the emotion behind your words….I know all too well. Thank you for posting it and sharing. May I credit you and your work and share on Facebook?
  • Bonnie Rozean
    commented 2019-06-26 11:44:49 -0700
    Thank you. I’m 91 days in and your post resonates with me. Love is also my focus because I truly believe love wins. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. All the best to you Alison.