A Hallmark Heartbreak Kind of Holiday

My birthday was hard. Thanksgiving was hard. Christmas and New Years were both hard. Yet it is the “Hallmark Holiday” that seems to burn more than build the wave of sadness.

Every Valentine’s Day growing up, I wrote out cards and put them in classmates construction paper mailboxes but only for the girls. Life is different now and kids can like whomever they like but I had to give Valentine’s to Allison when I really wanted to give it to Andy. Either way, all I wanted growing up was to find that one Valentine.

This is the first sweetheart holiday without Tin. I’m 2 months away from the anniversary of his death. Am I the only person that wants to walk into the grocery store, dump all the Valentine cards on the floor, throw boxes of chocolates and stomp on every flower in sight? I couldn’t give Andy a Valentine in high school and now I can’t give Tin one now. I feel like I’m a heartbroken teenager all over again…


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  • Lisa Richardson
    commented 2019-02-11 16:05:58 -0800
    So much pressure all around us. It’s as if the universe is telling us we’re somehow a failure for being alone on this day.

    In a drawer I have a stack of Valentine’s cards. The one’s I received all those years, but also the ones I have chosen for him every year since he died. It seemed so right that first year, and I’ve come to look forward to it. Something we still share…..just the two of us.
  • Don Yacona
    commented 2019-02-11 14:59:22 -0800 · Flag
    I can’t tell you how much I HATE February 14th. Social media is going to be very hard that day and I would advise you to stay away from it. When I pass all the V-day stuff in store or in people’s windows now, I just mutter two words which are NOT Happy Birthday. Just saying.