Vartan Agnerian

  • commented on It's About Time 2019-12-09 17:35:22 -0800
    Thank You for your honest words of your widow experience’ A widow of a year’ With all the crying’ the pillow shouting ’ the silent screaming’ berating myself with guilt ’ remorse ’ regret’ the only reason I’ve kept my sanity’ I’ve dragged through my days on this maddening widow path are the touching writings and the voices of other fellow widows’ as no one in the family-friends circle can relate and empathise to my brokenness or wants to be burdened with my widow story …… Laura

  • commented on The Roller Coaster of Grief 2019-12-04 17:26:04 -0800
    A few words put together ’ yet how accurately they describe that profound essence of what it is to have become a widow , and from then on to have a whole different outlook for everything’ no dreaming’ no planning’ no looking forward to’ no enthusiasm’ with a couldn’t care less feeling’ whatever will be will be’ just being there’ . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on Hangover 2019-11-29 20:06:17 -0800
    So well explained Kelley ’ and in only two words’ " Grief Hangover ", all those profound emotions of sadness’ confusion’ depression’ longing’ brokenness’ tearing for no reason’ going about just like a robot’ wandering aimless through the days’ doing chores mechanically’ and realising everything has become meaningless ’ no matter the group’ no matter the occasion’ disbelief that I am indeed the widow among all’ and there’s no going back’ …….. Laura’

  • commented on Be Thankful. Or Don't. Be Wherever You Are. 2019-11-27 20:24:05 -0800
    A widow of a year’ reading fellow widow’s unique touching stories has been my long distance therapy’ as no one in my circle can relate to widowhood’ or understand the depth of my grief and wounded soul’ nor has the time to listen to my sad story’ each busy in their daily responsibilities’ So’ day and night I reminisce our years together ’ rewinding the video my mind’ and fondly seeing my husband there’

  • commented on Raise Your Hand~ 2019-11-27 18:27:05 -0800
    I’ve raised my hand’ you can count me in among the lunatic club , A widow of a year ’ experiencing those emotional ups and downs and confusing thoughts’ consented to his absence and realistic one moment’ and then crying uncontrollably in the disposable diaper isle of the pharmacy’ just because I saw the name brand I used to buy for my husband ‘- due to advanced Parkinson’s bladder dysfunction ‘- or having managed quite well through the birthday gathering of a sister in law’ and after returning home’ realising that I was the only one there without my love partner’ I was the uncoupled one’ the odd widow among them all’ and thus screaming my heart out and crying into the pillow’ ……. Laura’

  • commented on Not What you Think~ 2019-11-24 21:22:00 -0800
    In a few words ’ you exactly sum it up what widowhood is’ – … The shittiest, most confusing, exhausting, life changing ride of one’s life …- Just recently passing through the disposable diapers isle at the pharmacy’ in an instant I got so emotionally overwhelmed and uncontrollable tears burst out’ seeing the brand that I used to buy for my husband, as he was advanced stage Parkinson affecting bladder control’ . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on Another Trip Around the Widowed Sun 2019-11-20 18:05:19 -0800
    So very true’ A widow of a year myself’ indeed the Universe simply will not let me’ not be conscious of my widow status day and night’ no matter the place ‘no matter the occasion’ no matter the group that encircles me’ there’s always some tiny reminder somewhere emphasizing my husband’s forever absence ’ that he is no more’ that henceforth I’m alone’ on my own’ all by myself ’ . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on You Have to be Kidding Me 2019-11-13 17:29:24 -0800
    Among the many standard comments’ this one was startling’ – You know it’s been a year ’ you’re the matriarch now’ I know you’re a logical person’ you can’t continue grieving’ I’ve read that prolonged grief causes dementia’ – . . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on What Now?... 2019-11-09 17:31:50 -0800
    You are so right Miss Allison’ A widow of a year myself’ EMPTY AND ALONE IN MY HEART AND SOUL is what I am indeed’ no matter where’ no matter the occasion’ no matter the group’ no matter the phone chats ’ afterwards the fact is the fact’ I am on my own ’ left all by myself on this deserted path of widowhood’ Thank You for my therapy of the day’ . . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on To Survive... 2019-11-07 17:45:43 -0800
    Thank You for sharing your personal experience of prolonged " tiredness and exhaustion to the core " and that sensation of physically being “spent”….
    A widow of a year’ and these past several years having been the caregiver for my husband ’ due to his deteriorating Parkinson’s disease’ I was so easily and lightheartedly multitasking a variety of daily chores ’ yet now I can’t even manage one simple chore’ so quickly I get breathless and need to take a break’ to sit down a while and then restart’ Simply incomprehensible ‘what deep changes the body goes through and reacts to grief’ . . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on First Year as a Widow 2019-11-05 17:37:41 -0800
    Thank You for sharing so honestly the real and pure inner emotions of what being a widow is like’ A widow of a year myself’ there are so many commonalities and similarities in what you express so touchingly in your experience of widowhood’ Sometimes I wonder how did I manage not to go mad or insane with this intense and immense grief all these past twelve months’ Then I realise’ by God’s grace and by reading the stories and hearing the voices of fellow widows like you’ Keep well Dear Mari . . . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on Loss Connections 2019-11-02 21:29:28 -0700
    Widow of a year’ and I also don’t fit anywhere and I don’t want to … It feels I’ve been in a fog and just don’t know how I managed to go through the days of this past year without my husband by my side’ My major support and therapy is reading fellow widows’ personal touching stories ’ Keep well and continue your good deed of helping and comforting us widows’ . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on I Don't Like Dessert 2019-11-01 19:18:37 -0700
    Already a year’ without my husband by my side’ the only way I kept my sanity is through this long distance therapy of reading other fellow widows’ heartfelt and profoundly emotional shared stories’ And yes Staci’ me too I keep replaying in my mind our love story over and over and over ’ our first introduction and our first meeting’ where our souls met and it was love at first sight’ so many years ago’ before Parkinson’s deterioration and paralisation and aspiration pneumonia at the final stage’ . . . . . . Laura’

  • commented on Traveler's Remorse 2019-10-30 17:57:56 -0700
    Thank You for sharing your experience of solo – uncoupled travelling’
    A widow of a year’ and having been the caregiver of my beloved husband for the past few years’ due to his degenerative Parkinson’s disease’ I get so called advice from my circle of friends and family’ that now it’s time for me to think of myself ’ and now that I have free time to start travelling’ But just the thought of myself being unaccompanied ’ without my husband by my side at airports and airplanes ’ just me all alone’ feels so strange and weird’ and surely it will emphasize his forever absence even more’
    I so understand that feeling of being the odd one among couples’ Recently at a wedding’ when the bride walked down the aisle and joined the groom and they went to the altar’ in a flash ’ my eyes teared up’ my throat tightened ’ as in an instant my mind went way back to our special day’ as I murmured in my heart to my husband – It was just yesterday it was you and me the bride and the groom –
    No matter where’ no matter the surrounding’ the fact and the reality is that I am the widow henceforth’ . . . . . . . . . . . Laura

  • commented on Pieces of Her 2019-10-24 18:37:23 -0700
    So well described ’ in all details’ this transition into a widow’ " Left in pieces " indeed ! Simply’ can not be whole no more ’ no matter where’ no matter the occasion ’ no matter surrounded with how many people !

  • commented on Approaching a Year 2019-10-23 17:50:40 -0700
    You are so right ’ one year widow myself ’ in between some phone calls or visits’ all I do is keep reliving the weeks prior to and the day of my husband’s death’ and that " the brain keeps bringing them up " … Emotionally’ mentally and physically a very draining and difficult phase of life ’ widowhood’ … … … Laura’

  • commented on Phases of Widow 2019-10-22 17:39:31 -0700
    A year with this title of widow’ and the first one in the cousins’ and friends’ group’ where none can relate to widowhood and none I can open my heart and share my shattered new existence with’ and none to interact with the new unrecognisable me’ I’ve simply hung on by reading the real words ’ and hearing the wounded voices of fellow widows like you ’
    My only support ant therapy’ – Laura -

  • commented on Wispy Love~ 2019-10-19 19:31:48 -0700
    Just a few simple words ’ yet put together they transform into such a bouquet of profound’ deep rooted sad emotions and fragile feelings that only a fellow widow can relate and express’ " gone-ness – missing-ness – emptiness – " – and when the whispers of the reminders and memories everywhere emphasize that once upon a time " When you and I were a WE " . . .

  • commented on Dear Dead Husband 2019-10-15 18:11:06 -0700
    Oh so very true’ Dear Kelley Lynn ‘such clear description of all the painful emotions we face as widows’ at different times on the path of widowhood all by ourselves’ and YES’ as the months roll by’ somehow " the missing is differently’ it feels deeper’ more profound’ and more permanent " … Simply by God’s grace from one day to the next’ … Laura

  • commented on The Agony of Defeat 2019-10-10 17:36:32 -0700
    You are so right’ This is exactly my present physical’ and mental state ’ after a year of getting the widow title – very lethargic’ very much like a hermit’ could go on sitting alone on the sofa’ for days and days and not mind – couldn’t care less if somebody called or not’ if somebody visited or not’ couldn’t care less for taking part in organizing any family gatherings and socializing’ Just passing through the days’ meaningless and purposeless ’