Vartan Agnerian

  • commented on Widow Tired 2019-07-22 19:14:02 -0700
    Thank You Dear Kelley for being my therapy of the day’ Thank You for your honesty in every word’ Thank You for profoundly and precisely describing what it is to become a widow’ what it is to be thrown on the unfamiliar’ confusing’ difficult path of widowhood’

    Widowed ten months’ after a 44 year blissful’ contended ’ olden days marriage’

    Laura’

  • commented on Collapse Into You 2019-07-18 18:27:06 -0700
    Thank You Miss Kelley’ for such an accurate description of the mental and emotional upheaval of a widow’ Nine months without my sweet gentleman husband’ It indeed is a hellish experience that in just a minute your love partner is no more’ dead’ your beloved is now a corpse in front of your eyes’ extremely confusing and mind boggling reality’ and now it is so terrible and so tough to face the days on my own’ after a 44 year loving’ blissful marriage’
    Simply by grace and faith go I’ and the support and comfort I feel through reading Soaring Spirits’ special group of writers and a few other grief counselling pages’

    Laura’

  • commented on Normalish 2019-07-15 18:10:15 -0700
    What tough and difficult and uncomfortable experience it is to be on this widow path’ and it’s so true’ that realisation that our dead beloved person is more and more missed each day’ yet also more and more present each day in their invisible form’
    So many – many tiny hidden long term memories of years back ‘suddenly jump into the present out of nowhere ’ making you relive that moment ’ yet reminding that you are now without your beloved ’
    All the best dearest Staci on your adventure of recreating a life without your Mike ’ and reengaging in life and Bon Voyage on your Europe trip’

    Laura’

  • commented on Rocketman 2019-07-01 18:17:01 -0700
    Ahhhh’ Dear Staci’ how precisely you come up with terms that are so parallel to my widow story’ . . .This time " Emotional landmines" is exactly what I’m going through . . . unexpected explosions of tears with chest tightness and a crushed and crumpled heart overwhelming me’. . . A few days ago at the pharmacy while I was passing through the disposable diapers isle ’ seeing the brand that I used to buy for my husband’ just hit me so hard’ the realisation ’ the reminder that he is no more ’ that hence forward I am without him’ – as due to last stage Parkinson he was paralised and bedridden the last months needing disposables -

    Laura

  • commented on Thinking, and Overthinking~ 2019-06-26 17:33:20 -0700
    What clear description of the new reality of the one left without their person’ me as a recent widow’
    Happiness’ joy’ excitement’ enthusiasm they belong to the before’ when my husband ’ my love partner was near me ’ when his presence filled my day’
    Already I have forgotten that easy going’ light hearted ’ spontaneous ’ family gatherings initiator gal that I used to be’
    Reading your story eased my pain a little’ reminding that I’m not alone in this strange and unknown path of the “without”

    Laura

  • commented on History Repeats Itself All Too Often Too Soon 2019-06-07 19:49:23 -0700
    That’s exactly it’ without that one special person who you shared your life’s minute facets with’ and then suddenly there’s NO ONE TO …

    Laura

  • commented on The Tsunami of July 2019-05-30 19:34:52 -0700
    I was already emotional and in a sad mood’ listening to and watching " Engelbert Humberdinck In Hawaii " on PBS’ as each romantic song was reawakening a memory of my blissful married years’ of my couple days’ of my husband and wife days’ that are no more’ and then I read this on Soaring Spirits Facebook page’ and the tears flowed and flowed …
    My world forever changed also eight months ago’ it is no longer the life I knew’
    Now it is a widow’s world ’ now the days just follow each other’ without any drive’ any zest or enthusiasm’ though the calendar pages change’ but my mind’s calendar page is stuck on that month and day when my husband died’
    Reading your widow experience with that touch of clarity’ courage and core emotions has become part of my therapy’

    Laura

  • commented on Celebrations Realization~ 2019-05-19 22:36:30 -0700
    Dearest Beth’ thank you for sharing your widow at a wedding experience too’ and I absolutely relate to that sense of feeling your husband’s essence ’ soul presence’ sometimes I feel as if I’m in “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” movie … you know ’ the church ceremony was the hardest to watch’ as sitting there’ I was visualising my husband and myself at the altar ’ murmuring ’ it was just yesterday we were the young couple at the altar’ it was just yesterday it was us …. though reality being that it had been 44 years of that by gone days style’ romantic’ contented marriage’ and sadly the last twelve witnessing my gentleman husband suffering the deterioration and the damages of Parkinson’s disease’ with the finality of aspiration pneumonia …..
    Blessed be their sweet memories ’ blessed be their souls’ ….

    Laura

  • commented on A New Beginning 2019-05-06 19:53:16 -0700
    Soaring Spirits Widow’s Voice ’ among a few other grief communities’ has become my daily companion’ my support and my long distance therapy’ these past seven months’
    I just don’t know’ how on my own’ without this guidance or resources I would have handled and reacted and gone through the shock and trauma of widowhood ’
    Reading and taking a glimpse into each unique and emotional widow story lessens my state of feeling alone’ scared’ lonely’ defeated’ odd and weird without my previous title’ – wife of –
    Though it is " the club that no one wants to be a part of " but simply by being there’ the widow community truly does fill an immense need ’ and is an awesome help’

    All the best to you’ keep on – comforting, embracing, encouraging, supporting – all those that have lost their person and are going through " the many complexities of grief, life and love "

    Laura

  • commented on Welcome Back Grief 2019-05-05 07:32:17 -0700
    Yesterday was a major test for me’ after some convincing ’ attending a niece’s wedding on my husband’s side’ under my new title of widow of seven months’
    All through the dressing up part’ and in the car I was having several conversations with my husband’ having put on one of the so many wedding anniversary gifts of his’ a necklace and bracelet’ I was caressing them ’ and whispering ’ – " See’ I’m taking you along with me "-
    During the church ceremony’ I was visualising us all those years ago’ giving our love vows’ , at the reception’ as watching couples dancing’ it was us in our heydays that i was seeing’ while smiling and taking pictures’ within there was such a weird and odd feeling that how did this widowness happen to me’ how come I am not a couple after so many years’
    There and then I was reminded of the so many profound grief and widowhood shared experiences of Soaring Spirits’ unique contributors ’ – from now on being without my person – looking solid on the outside’ yet hollow within – just existing as an altered self – surrounded with hundreds of people’ yet feeling so alone – and as you so well describe above ’ just passing through the days’ with that – " never ending vacancy’ with a heart conditioned to constant aching’ and today and tomorrow being the you who will forever miss the touch of the beloved one " -

    Laura

  • commented on Hollow Inside 2019-05-01 12:46:45 -0700
    Dearest Staci’ You’ve done it again’ with your unique way with words’ and laser sharp eyesight ’ to bring out from a simple routine shopping day for most ’ such a profound and emotional scene that only speaks to a grieving widow’ Where most see the ribbons and bows’ the widow in you sees the hollow’ empty’ dull’ sterile landscape within the soul’
    You truly spoke to my situation at this stage of my widowness ’ looking solid on the outside’ yet nothingness within’ no enthusiasm’ no drive’ no stimuli ’
    I am an altered self now’ and I’ve learned to pretend to be “solid” in the company of relatives who are unable to relate to the new widow amongst them’ specially after these recent comments’ – " well’ you can’t deny that he gave you a very good life’ he adored you and he was a very good husband to you " – and – " You know’ you have to concentrate on yourself and your interests now’ also I’ve read that staying sad and lingering in grief a long time leads to dementia " -

    Laura

  • commented on The Changing of the Guards 2019-04-13 19:52:00 -0700
    Just few sentences yet such an intense description of a day in " Widowland "
    Six months into widowhood’ numerous times the damn has broken’ sandbags are useless’ the walls come down the tears flow’ then taper off for a while till the next flood’ and the grieving goes on’

    Laura

  • commented on Long Live Love~ 2019-04-04 18:31:29 -0700
    So simple words’ yet the sum of them all together paint such a profound and minute detailed picture expressing all those deep sentiments of a widow’s heart and mind and soul

    Laura

  • commented on Long Time no See 2019-03-29 20:33:03 -0700
    Oh Miss Sarah’ as if you’re watching me from afar’ word by word describing me’ Since becoming a widow’ how I also have transferred to this " uptight, over-serious and distanced" person, far from that joyful woman ’ with “effortless and lightness feeling’ ready to make those I love laugh” …

    Laura

  • commented on The Widow Language 2019-03-21 17:53:49 -0700
    Such an appropriate term’ " Speak Widow " just two words’ oh but it says volumes’ to only those who understand and can communicate in this new language due to forced changes of circumstances and status ’
    Being a recent widow’ after a 44 years contented, caring marriage’ and also the only unpaired one in my circle of friends and relatives’ it is so clear that for them “Speak Widow” is a difficult and odd and unfamiliar language to learn or comprehend’
    So around them’ I keep quiet’ or answer briefly and neutrally their standard questions’ and then the visit goes on in that ordinary way’ with all type of casual discussions’
    So grateful that I’ve discovered this special group of writers’ who communicate their widowhood experience’ so touchingly’ so sincerely’ with such emotional words and scenes’ each in their unique manner ’ each in their personal level of grief and widowhood stage’ thus becoming my daily therapy from afar’

    Laura

  • commented on Grief and Widow Questionnaire 2019-03-04 18:02:13 -0800
    What an imagination and what an accurate expression of all those painful feelings and that shattered state of mind of a widow’ and how no one in the friends-relatives circle can relate or understand that shock which affects our whole being ’
    That last paragraph is SOOOO true’ A widow of five months’ after a 44 year contented’ by gone days type traditional’ loving marriage’ left suddenly just ‘one ’ the only way I’m enduring my days of grief and sadness is through this widow community and their shared honest and emotional personal grief story is my daily therapy’

    Laura

  • commented on Taking you with Us 2019-03-02 06:46:37 -0800
    Five months on this unfamiliar path of widowhood’ reading your touching and emotional words brought tears to my eyes’ The fact of continuing on without my husband ’ just as one ’ being the solo presence in the usual friends’- relatives’ coupled circle’ during obliged visits sticking like a thorn amongst them’ sensing deep down in my soul that I don’t belong there’ yet pretending that I’m fine’ is so difficult heartbreaking’
    The only thing that keeps me sane’ as you mention is that continuous deep love bond’ the soul and heart attachment with my husband’ ’ and I feel his closeness all the time’ and like you ‘now I carry him with me everywhere’ by keeping in my purse’ his ID card with his photo’ that he used to have on his chest’ whenever he had to use the Adapted Transportation Services’ since these last few years he was on a wheelchair ’ due to his deteriorating and advanced Parkinson’s ’

    Laura

  • commented on Talking About Grief 2019-02-25 18:04:46 -0800
    A very emotional’ wise and thought provoking blog’
    A widow of five months’ I am in the darkness of grief’ with no order’ no refuge’ no peace in sight’ having a difficult time adjusting to this oneness’ adjusting to my beloved husband’s eternal absence’ not being that loving pair anymore and feeling purposeless ’ Yet our friends and relatives so easily and quickly have got used to the fact that he’s not in their life anymore and the ties each had with him has ended’ and yes during a few recent visits’ being there with my shattered widow’s heart all feels superficial’ meaningless and vane ’

    Laura

  • commented on Finding A Balance ...... 2019-02-21 18:25:07 -0800
    A widow of five months’ after a long term’ by gone days’ traditional type romantic fulfilling marriage’ for sure I am in that “deep dark cold grief cave” –
    Soaring Spirits Widow’s Voice has become my private therapist and my floating jacket’ in these sorrowful days of crying and weeping in private’ in secret’ as not to worry our two sons and add more concern to their daily responsibilities’
    So grateful to each contributor’ who so honestly and touchingly and with deep emotion share their own heartbreaking grief story’ making me feel understood ’ not alone and not abandoned ’ in this unfamiliar territory of not being a couple anymore’ not being a loving pair anymore’ simply left as one ’

    Laura

  • commented on Love, Food and Grief 2019-02-19 21:15:57 -0800
    “It is disturbing that I miss someone so much …” Rings so true’ exactly where I am now on the grief scale ’
    A recent widow’ the last few years was also the caregiver for my husband ’ due to his progressing deterioration of Parkinson’s disease’
    Though the clues were there’ that he was last stage Parkinson’ becoming paralysed followed by aspiration pneumonia’ but his death STIll IS TERRIBLY TERRIBLY HEARTBREAKING AND TERRIBLY DIFFICULT to continue on alone’ just me’ not a pair anymore’ not a couple anymore’ feeling lost’ empty’ purposeless’ without any sense of direction’
    Grateful for this unique group of Widow’s Voice bloggers’ their shared grief stories does make me feel less alone and less abandoned’ as in y circle of friends – relatives’ none can relate to this tough transition of widowhood ’

    Laura