Olivia Arnold

And Yet Another Tragedy

It seems every time I listen to the news there has been another tragedy and more people have died. On Monday a rented van mounted the sidewalk and killed 10 people and injured 15 in Toronto. On purpose. This person literally had no regard for human life. There was no empathy; how scary is that? How can someone be so incredibly detached from people and the world? What was wrong with him? I know that they must be mentally ill but that means nothing at all to the people whose lives have been turned upside down by one person’s deranged actions. It is not an excuse. It infuriates me that these innocent people lost their lives so senselessly.

Yes, it is great that people come together to support the community and I keep seeing the phrase that we should look for the helpers. But really, I just feel annoyed. We shouldn’t have to look for the helpers because this never should have happened. It’s because we lack any control over the situation that we are forced to respond and help afterwards as our only option. We are working backwards and will never prevent this type of violence from happening if we just help after the fact. The damage is already done. Those people are never coming back. We can punish that man all we want but he still killed all those people. And let’s be honest, unfortunately, he won’t be the last to do it. He certainly wasn’t the first.

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Triggers and Chicks

I mentioned a few weeks ago that my class at school had chicken eggs that we were hatching. We were all so excited. Well, last Wednesday they hatched. So we had six cute little chicks. Then on Monday one died.

Cue the crying and upsetness. How was I supposed to know a chick dying was going to a trigger for me? It’s a chicken! I’m not even a vegetarian! But there I am, Monday afternoon looking into the brooder full of chicks and seeing the littlest one face down, legs sprawled behind him and I’m instantly a disaster.

All sorts of feelings start to come up. Stemming from the chick but connecting to my own grief as well. I wonder what I did wrong. Why did this happen? Did I do enough? How did I not prevent this situation? I feel guilty. Was it my fault? I didn’t know anything was wrong at all. He was the smallest one but it’s not like it was a huge difference. I noticed he was sleeping lots in the morning but how did it turn into dying? My thinking and feelings spun out of control. I am aware of that but I also couldn’t help it.

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Doing things a late twenty-something woman does...as a widow. Re-creating my life and identity, being outdoors, adventurous and active, teaching, laughing and crying, and living my new life a little less seriously.
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