Don Yacona

  • commented on Re-claiming a Simple Pleasure 2016-03-28 03:38:11 -0700
    Thank you for this. As a second generation widower, I am trying not to follow in my father’s footsteps. I lost my mother to a brain tumor in 1970 when I was 12 and my father cried on the couch for about a month and then stated hitting the bars after work, sometimes five nights a week and he made one bad choice after another. He also became a functioning alcoholic for the next 25 or 30 years. I am desperatly trying not to avoid family history. I come right home after work, I have a nice supply of booze in the fridge and haven’t touched a drop. Yes, I do occasionally have one or two beers at social gatherings, but thats it. I feel this is a crucial time in my becoming me 2.0 and adding getting drunk alot would be the worst thing I can do.

  • commented on What do You Think? 2016-03-22 15:16:19 -0700
    Mike,

    I have been doing the same thing. Arlene and I were Sandy survivors who had to abandon our house due to delayed issues from the storm. Almost all of our furniture had to go, walls had to be repainted and repaired and because she was going to be in a wheelchair mostly when she came home 2 years later without her legs. We were in the middle of that project when she passed. The floor she had picked wasnt going to work in the house, too expensive and too much work to install it. So i had to pick out something that would kind of be in the same family as what she wanted. I also picked a new tv stand for the living room because our wall unit was a casualty. I am now fixing the room that was what I called Estrogen central because it was her sanctuary. This means picking verticals that will go with the sectional that she bought for that room and never saw in the house because she couldnt weight bare enough to clime the stairs to get in. I sit in a living room with new furniture that she never saw in the house for the same reason. And do you know what? This is so unfair and it really sucks. I hate it. It feels like a different house and I dont want to come home to it because she isn’t there.

  • commented on The Simple Life 2016-03-08 15:34:18 -0800
    Mike,

    My long term girlfriend (32 years) was a type 2 diabetic who, long story short, over several years and especially the last 2 1/2 suffered 5 heart attacks, both legs amputated, a stroke, had both kidneys fail and had to be a dialysis patient for her last 30 months. In that time we had to abandon our house due to delayed issues from Superstorm Sandy, became essentially homeless for three weeks and oh yeah, for a year after her illness got real, I was unemployed.

    I was preparing to become at least a partial caregiver to a double amputee diabetic dialysis patient who was a heart and stroke risk. She couldnt re-enter our house because she couldn’t climb the stairs to get in and I was in the process of getting us a ramp donated so she could come home, something she hadn’t done for her last 23 months.

    Would I do it again? YES! Without question.

  • commented on On Being Cherished...and Kissed... 2016-03-02 15:11:53 -0800
    This was so wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

  • commented on I Will Never Move On 2016-02-19 06:10:01 -0800
    Kelley, you are correct on every point. So far I’ve only had one person tell me to “move on” and that person is now shut out of my life now. I passed 8 months last week and I visit the grave pretty much every day. There is no such thing as “move on” for us.

  • commented on You Deserve To Share This 2016-02-06 05:53:49 -0800
    I can identify. We were Sandy survivors and I had been out of work for several years before that. So things were falling apart before the hurricane and before she got very sick. In the period before she passed, we were buying new furniture and having our hallway renovated and had new floors put in. She never saw it in the house because she couldn’t climb steps well enough to come home and then was in either the hospital or rehab/nursing facilities her last 7 1/2 months. It feels like a different house right now, but it doesn’t feel like “home” because she’s not here to see it. And it’s killing me. It’s not fair that she never came home.

  • commented on The Lovely Dance of Grief~ 2016-01-27 10:17:27 -0800
    That was beautiful Alison. I carry guilt because I couldn’t make a good life for her. And lately, most of my memories are from when things started getting bad 8-10 years ago and they are overwealming my memories of all of our good times. I worry that I’m losing her from when she was healthy and vibrant. All I am remembering now is when she was sick, getting sicker and in more and more in pain and agony. Its not right and its not fair.

  • commented on One More Phone Call 2016-01-25 15:04:07 -0800
    I completly understand. I have a picture of her in every room and I still haven’t disconnected her cellphone. There are times when i call it just to hear the voice or listen to voicemails that are on my phone, even though most of those are of her calling while screaming in pain. It’s still her voice and I miss it so much. I’m a little more than seven months out and I am still getting grief spasms several times a day.

  • commented on You Find What Works 2015-12-18 17:45:58 -0800
    First let me say that that is a wonderful picture of you two. Now, as for myself, Thanksgiving went by ok, got an invite to one of my cousins. When I got home, I fealt empty as usual, looked at the spot where she used to sit, and lost it. But thats not unusual because thats my normal reaction when I look there. I’m not sure how I will react to Christmas, what I am dreading is New Years eve. Early on, we would come into the city, have dinner and then go to a comedy club. Then, when I got skittish about driving into the city that night because its ametuer night, we would go to dinner, a movie, then come home and watch the ball drop on tv and have champaign. Then she would call relatives to say happy New Year while I turned on the Honeymooners marathon. In the last three years, she was either in the hospital or in a nursing rehab for two of them, so that stopped. This year will be the first time I’m going to be home by myself without her. And it dawned on me, that this is the first holiday season where I wasn’t around her since 1979. I really am dreading New Years.