Another year as past. It's hard to believe honestly. I tried my hardest this year to really allow myself to live. I took scary steps that at times made me feel horrible. It was always like I was leaving Joey behind when I did something new or changed something. But the reality is once it was done I felt good, I felt lighter. I know that doing these things are part of healing. Time stops for no one. So the choice is to either stand still in the grief and madness or move with the current and live.
I remember New Year's Eve last year. I was fighting time tooth and nail. I wanted no part of moving into a new year without Joey. I couldn't imagine living in a year that he would never see. But it came without blinking an eye.
Last year on a whim the kids and I decided to go to the zoo. It was a great day. It made me forget my sadness for a while. And I realized we were going to end the year the same way we started it, together as a family.
So this year we went again. I guess it's some what of a new tradition. Our new family tradition. Joey is not apart of this one but in spirit I believe he is. He loved to see his kids happy. He wouldn't miss it for the world.
So before we rang in and welcomed a new year. I once again reflected on this new life of ours. The difference in where we all are to where we were last year. Sometimes it doesn't seem like we have done much but sometimes I can see the happiness we have allowed back in our lives.
I look forward to growing, healing and learning in this new year. I look forward to being allowed to live in this world. I hope you all find your spark and allow it to grow. Find your new happiness and allow yourself to feel it.