I will never be able to deliver this letter to myself three years ago in the past. But I can post it here and hope that it will offer some comfort and solace to some of the widows/widowers who come after me ....
Dear Me (and You),
I know you feel that you died in the moment that you lost Jeff and that you will never have the desire to live again.
I understand that you don't know which end is up and you are searching for answers anywhere you can find them.
I get that you just want something/someone to soothe the hurt and fear inside you....and that you have trouble fathoming that it cannot and will not ever be Jeff again.
I want to tell you that you will live. And one day, if you allow yourself, you will again cherish the life you have been given.
I promise you that although none of us, while alive, will ever know concretely what happens after death and why our lives evolve as they do, life will one day make sense to you again and if you manage to remind yourself that there are miracles and wonders unseen all around you, you will be able to guide yourself through.
I know that it breaks your heart that you cannot lean into Jeff and cry deep into his shoulders with his arms enveloping you within his safe embrace, but you will learn to care for and comfort yourself. And the memory of his love for you and who you are will stay and remind you of the good within.
You will grow. You will stumble...but you will get up again. You will find those who understand your loss and although they may not live close by, they will laugh and cry with you and form unbreakable bonds with you. You will smile again. You will find joy again.
This will all take time....but you will make it. I promise.
You have lived through this....everything else is cake.