This Left-behind Love~

What do we do with left behind Love?

How do we take what was an active, living Love, in life,

And make it matter and make it count…

In the after?

After the death of that one, your person…

The one you slept with and loved with and talked with, who knew you better than anyone,

Whose death changed everything…

What do you do with the many losses shrouded in the depths of that simple but not so simple 5 letter word

Grief?

The ache of skin hunger…touched no longer.

The exhaustion that comes from staring at the detritus around you that was your life

And realizing shit now it’s all up to me…

The money the house the car the job the questions the repairs the everything…

Life…

It’s all up to me now.

The Love we had his story her story our story.

I am the Rememberer.

It’s a fucking huge realization, isn’t it?

Where do I go what do I do, with this Love that was ours and people tell me it still is but all I know is it was…

What do we do with the Love that is left behind for us?

What do you do with your left behind Love?

 


Showing 5 reactions

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  • commented 2017-01-07 14:39:01 -0800
    Susan Anderson I want to hug you. You are amazing. I’m on year 6 & this past Christmas I put up my first tree! I’m known as the “widow hermit” :) but that’s ok. We all do this at our own pace. I’ve recently learned to really appreciate that I do know what real unconditional love is. Some never find it. I had him for 20 wonderful years. You keep doing it your way. I know that “tired feeling” I’ve learned to like my own company :)
    Hugs & more hugs Susan.
  • commented 2017-01-07 14:15:11 -0800
    Marissa Hutton and Donna Hooker, you are both so right! I am starting year 2 and I am so tired already! I wanted to be alone this weekend because I was just so tired from interacting with people all week, keeping up the front, feeling the toothache throb of sadness and “missing” all the time! And I don’t even think that I am doing that badly. I am building some new friendships with understanding and caring people, doing art for healing, cleaning my space, buying things for myself, decorated for Christmas…Right now I am feeling bored and lonely and I want HIM to be here with me…in a way that is tangible, not “in spirit”.
  • commented 2017-01-04 23:39:40 -0800
    That’s a very good question. I don’t have a clue as to what to do with my left behind love. I reminisce about it, I write about it but mostly, I try to keep the ache of missing him at a manageable level so I won’t spend the day curled up in the fetal position and crying my eyes out.

    The skin hunger is the worst. I don’t remember who wrote about it years ago but the whole “Rent-A-Human” idea would be awesome if there weren’t so many creepy people in the world or if folks could really just be a companion without having the whole “Friends With Benefits” mentality. Not judging anyone but the FWB lifestyle doesn’t work for me.
  • commented 2017-01-04 20:32:37 -0800
    That was incredible.. thank you
  • commented 2017-01-04 17:24:00 -0800
    This is so right on Alison. “The ache of skin hunger…touched no longer.” Truest statement I’ve ever read. Not talking to someone I once talked to every day. These 2 things are life altering. What gives me a measure of comfort when I think about it is this: he didn’t take his love for me with him. I still carry & feel that love. It is small comfort but I’ll take it. Thank you Alison.

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