There are lots of things in my life that haven't happened yet.
Things that are on the verge of happening, hopefully.
Things I am patiently, or impatiently, waiting on.
Things that still need to marinate.
Things that are still in development.
Things that haven't quite been defined.
Things that have no guarantee of happening at all.
Things that I have to choose to have faith in.
Things I am taking a risk on, with my heart.
With my time. With my energy. With my soul.
For me, 2016 has been a year filled with transitions.
Really huge transitions.
And taking risks.
Coming to a new place,
in year 5 of this "after" life,
a place of many shifts.
Doing things I hadn't done before.
Trying things I couldn't see myself trying before.
Meeting someone I never expected to meet.
Feeling a deep connection with that someone.
My first kiss, with that someone.
My first kiss, period. (since losing Don)
Joining multiple dating sites.
Feeling ready to "date" again.
Wanting to be held again.
Having that part of me woken up again.
Meeting someone on such sites,
that I didn't expect to meet.
Going on dates with that someone.
Falling into a relationship with that someone.
Doing lots and lots of kissing with that someone.
Feeling attractive and wanted again, with that someone.
My first intimacy, with that someone.
My first intimacy, period. (since losing Don)
Losing my "widow virginity", with that someone.
Trusting that someone.
Being very gentle with that someone's widowed heart.
Always being honest with that someone.
Finding out that someone wasn't being honest in return.
Feeling blindsided by that someone.
Losing trust in that someone.
Feeling hurt and sadness and pain at that someone.
Breaking away from that someone.
Making major life decisions.
Like moving out of NYC,
after 26 years of living here.
Returning to my home state.
Living with my family.
Having a place of peace and tranquility,
to finish writing the book,
about death and grief and love.
for the future that I so desire,
to hurry up and get here today.
I have little control,
and I have to just keep going,
keep having faith in the outcome,
that good things,
All the things in my life,
that haven't happened yet,
that I so want to happen,
are waiting on the horizon.
If I keep growing them.
They will grow into
that they always were,
before they were aware,
of what they were.
And so I nurture,