This is me with our awesome Thursday girl (Nicole), and our amazing Saturday girl (Taryn). We met for sushi in Texas last January, and spent some time together talking widow. Yes, I do think there is a widow language!
When you speak widow you avoid the phrase, "How are you?" Conversing in widow never requires full sentences. If tears spring up while using the widow language, no one runs for the door. Being fluent in widow means you answer calls from a fellow widow at two in the morning, or at two in the afternoon. Many times widow speak requires no words...a look or a hug is enough. When in a room full of people speaking this language, laughter is common. We all realize that if we can't laugh we will go crazy. Repeating yourself is not considered odd in the world of widows...the phrase "I still can't believe this is my life," can be repeated as many times as necessary with no objection from the listener. While speaking widow we share our past, our present, and our uncertain future.
The need to speak widow with others who understand the unique cadence of this language is the purpose for the National Conference on Widowhood. I write about it today because I don't want one single widowed person to miss this chance to be understood. Use as many words as you like, or don't speak at all, but do join us in San Diego this July if you are at all able. This will be a gathering like none you have ever experienced. We are already bonded by virtue of the path we walk. The way we communicate with each other is already unique and instinctual. Grief has taught us lessons that have changed our lives forever. Coming together is a balm for the heart, and a spring board for the future.
Come speak widow, you already know the language.