It's funny how life changes you. I'm sure part of it is just age, but I know lots of people my age who haven't "turned out" the way I have. What I wonder is: am I really different now, or am I really just getting to know myself?
I think my experience of widowhood has made me less tolerant of bullshit. I know it has. Life is too short to beat around the bush or hope things get resolved. This doesn't mean that I'm totally without tact. It does mean that I have a lot less patience and I'm a lot more likely to start a difficult conversation or ask the question no one else in the room wants to voice. I am "direct" - whatever that means. I guess it's better than being indirect? I hope it's a good thing, because I don't seem to be capable of much else.
I think I was this way before widowhood, but honestly I can't remember. I seem to recall that I was a bit more reserved back then. Maybe some of you remember? Regardless, the "new" me is fun. I like being the one to speak out. I like the thought that people might occasionally think: "I wonder what Dippel will say about that?" I like being that girl.
This is one of the gifts widowhood has brought to me. I'd rather have learned the lesson a different way, but I'm grateful for it nonetheless.