the best before date

3_11_11.jpgAs a widow, when does our license to actively grieve expire? Is there a time limit to our sadness? An event that signals the end of our foray into melancholy remembering? An experience that renders the act of longing for our spouse void? 

As I drag myself along this road of the widowed person, I know that I am not done. Almost three years and I am not finished. Not completed my grief. I don't know if I will ever be. 

Is this longing sadness a luxury? Is it just there because I allow it to be? If I were someone else, or had someone else, would it be over? 

I don't know. I do know that I miss him and grieve him every day still. Even though I have physically moved, changed our lives monumentally and healed enormously....I am not done. 

I don't know if this means that I am not ready for another love to enter my life. I don't know if this means that I am broken. I don't know if this means I am honest about my mourning. 

I wonder if other people feel that I should be 'finished' by now. That the expiry date on my feelings of loss have long since passed. 

I hope not....because I am still feeling them. Even if the expiry date has passed. 


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