This weekend we took our traditional camping trip with my parents. My oldest son as been going since he was two. It's a big blue grass festival, which isn't really my thing but it's always a blast.
We go up into the mountains where there is no wifi, no tv, no ac. Just you, the ones you love and nature.
It's easy to be happy up there. To forget all your problems and just enjoy what's around you. There is so much beauty and life. God is all around you. It's a very peaceful feeling.
I occasionally trip over my own thoughts of what this trip would be like if Joey was here. Would we have our own camper by now? Would we have more children here? I have learned to not allow myself to go crazy with the "what if's" but they stubble out every now and then. But I take a deep breath of pure clean air and just be grateful for the memories I have of him there. I am grateful for the chance to make more memories with my children. I am grateful for being allowed the opportunity to see the beauty of those mountains.
I think I am also grateful that I allow myself to see that beauty and to be present in these memories. The first time we went after Joey's passing isn't much of a memory. I know I went but I couldn't tell you a thing we did. I don't have a single picture from that year. I was just there numb and barely existing. Now two years later the grief is still there, the sadness of knowing how missed he is and how much he would enjoy himself. But I am present, I am laughing and taking in everything around me. Fishing with the kids, playing in the water, cooking on the fire. My mind is taking it all in and I am grateful for the chance to do it.
Don't miss your chance, take it in and enjoy this life. You are still here.