So much has happened in such a small amount of time that my head is spinning even as I type. I now live in downtown Austin with cars and people and dog walking and concrete which, for a country boy, is quite the change. I have a new job that’s challenging, engaging and, quite frankly, fun. Life is completely different than just a few weeks ago, let alone a month or a year ago. So much has changed. And I’m ok with all of it. A new world of possibilities has appeared in front of me and I’m happy to be right where I am. Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that.Read more
I got up this morning with one important task to accomplish, decorate the front of the house with holiday lights. I've notice the number of houses in the neighborhood slowly being lit up with beautiful lights of every color. My daughter has been asking when we would show our holiday spirit by lighting up our house as well.Read more
Two Thanksgiving celebrations down, and one to go.
It's been an interesting couple of days. Friday night I hosted an office Thanksgiving potluck at my home. Almost every person from the office came, along with their families. There was so much food, wine and desert, and everyone was in a very good mood. Most had hoped to meet Abel, and since he had to work, I was explaining all night as to why he wasn't present.
When loss strikes, we have a way of denying ourselves of things.
Whether it be the ability to smile since they can't smile. The ability to see all the impact that they're life left by focusing on the fact that they were taken so suddenly. The ability to celebrate life's happenings, since they are not there to celebrate it with you. Our ability to look ourselves in the mirror and like who we now are, because we're too focused on who we were before tragedy struck.
They're just a few things that I did and denied myself of.
I think I had to...it was necessary.Read more
That's what we tend to sometimes make our dead spouse ..... a saint.
It's a good thing they're dead.
No one could actually live up to those standards.
Jim was not a saint.
Not by a long shot.
But then, neither was/am I.
and this is a pretty large "but".....
...... we had almost 27 years to work on our relationship.
I have a confession to make.
And to many of you it will sound preposterous.
No doubt many of you will think that I am out of touch, delusional or didn’t have a “good” marriage.
Some of you won’t believe me or won’t want to believe me.
I am not of the widow crowd that believes that my husband, Art, was “my one and only love in my life.” I don’t believe God put me on this earth to only be touched by one man’s life or to touch, mold, distract or teach only one man.
So this is the first occasion of my newly assigned day.
A day of sun, as I see it, is a true blessing. For so many of us, worry, hardship, and the basic toll of life, can really bring us down. When the weekend is upon us, we tend to wonder how much we can get accomplished on Saturday, and how we want to spend a day of leisure on Sunday. For those shaking off the trauma of loss, a day of sun can feel quite foreign.
.... if I Feel "Happy"?
Ahhhhh ..... an interesting question, and one I've asked myself several times when considering what to write about on this blog.
I've never come to the conclusion that I should stop writing here ..... but I do sometimes wonder. Especially after comments like those that were written yesterday.
Am I, and my grief, less valued because my husband died in 2007? Do I not "get" someone's grief if their loved one died last year ..... last week ..... yesterday?
I was sitting in the living room, warmed by the fire, with my boyfriend Abel to my left, and my son Remy to my right. I was trying to think of what to write about, then saw a perfect opportunity to find out what my son thought about his dad, a widower, newly dating again.
My husband, for those who do not know, died a little over two years ago. He and I had only been a couple for 18 months when he was diagnosed with brain cancer. My kids learned to love and accept him, then soon learned that they would also have to say goodbye to him. It was nothing I ever expected to go through with a new relationship, and nothing I ever expected my kids to experience while they were still young. But here we are, two years later, many bereavement groups later. Many changes, and many nights of grieving through tears, laughter, and stories.
***This is a post I wrote 3 years ago today. Almost a bookmark to my progress.***
Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive
Now we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a lifetime with our soul mates.
"Why him?", "Why me?","Why us?", "Why so young?", "Why so suddenly?", "Why so violently?"...and the list goes on.