I don't know what makes one day, one moment, more impossible than another. Grief is just that way. For me, it isn't a matter of grief suddenly showing itself; it's more a matter of at any one moment I'm better able to keep it under my skin as opposed to right on top. It isn't less or more than; it's just under or on top of.
Today, Veterans Day, I couldn't keep it under my skin and nerves were crawling all over the place. Nausea, anxiety, the works. It didn't show, I don't think, but it was so very there.
I was always so proud of Chuck's time in service. The first time I saw him in his dress blues, I almost swooned right on the street. But I loved him best in his BDU's (camouflage). With his moustache...oh, he was a sight for this girl's eyes...
So, yeah, today. And grief. Every day, and grief.
I wish to scream and howl my rage and horror to the skies until my vocal chords are rendered numb with exhaustion. Numb not only from exhaustion but because there are no more words to describe what my life is like without him next to me and the agony of the rest of my life missing him.Read more