New year, new you!
(Scene: Black and white video of someone crying)
Do you suffer from grief? Tired of going through life thinking about your dead loved one? When you go to the grocery store, do you see a favorite food of your late loved one, and immediately make your way to the wine and tissue aisle?
(Scene: Cut to oversaturated video of a person playing with kittens and eating ice cream, while riding in a boat, or better yet, a scene OF kittens eating ice cream in a tiny, adorable boat)
Now for the low price of $19.95 (plus $8.95 shipping and handling), anyone can re-invent themselves! No stubborn cleanup, and no frustrating, back-breaking work! Introducing: New Year’s Resolution! This wonder of nature uses the rare extract of the Romanian turnip, prized by wizards for centuries for it’s mystical properties. Non-widows don’t want you to know, but now science has proven that with just one New Year’s Resolution, even YOU can enjoy a happy, stress free day without guilt!
Call now! The first 19 orders will receive a second bottle, absolutely free!Read more
It’s 2017. This is the 35th time that my body has traveled around the sun on this little rock called earth. In those 35 trips, I’ve been witness and participant to milestones of education and career, love and marriage, childbirth and parenting, sickness, and death. I’ve seen friendships both grow and wither. I’ve evolved from a curious child, to an outgoing teenager, then a determined Marine, followed by a devoted husband and father, on through to a caretaker, and then...a widower. I volunteered my twenties and early thirties to the life of a woman that I knew would not be with me to old age. We created a beautiful child that anyone would be proud to call their own.
Two years ago, on the first day of 2015, that life had abruptly come to an end. I was no longer a husband, but rather, a widower. My years of education and youthful curiosity were far behind me, a relic of my adolescence. I was beyond the pride that came with earning the title of Marine, for my country deemed me too old to serve by that point. My caretaking services, as sharpened and experienced as they were, were no longer needed in the advanced capacities they were capable of.Read more