I’ve noted a shift in my overall attitude since Megan’s death. I was somewhat of a pessimist in years past; always finding the bad news in any nugget of information that may have come my way. Perhaps it was the shock of losing my wife that finally changed my outlook in everyday life. I now take events or news with a different eye, one where I step back, and try to find the silver lining in anything. It has made me a happier person overall, and it serves to suppress the stress of living in a way I had never thought possible. While at first, this philosophy was a conscious effort, I’ve found that it has become habit, to where I no longer need to force myself to find a silver lining.
I’ve reached somewhat of an odd stage in my journey over the past few weeks. I’m having some significant anniversaries coming up, but they are not events that would normally have been celebrated. The month of June has been surprisingly significant to me, and it wasn’t something i could have planned for or expected.
June 2014 was when reality hit, and Megan started dying. I took her to the emergency room on June 8th. She was intubated on the 9th, and given a tracheotomy on the 12th. She was listed on the 14th, and taken off of full sedation on the 19th, allowing us to interact, if only slightly. I know all these dates because I sent her a daily email from the 9th forward, summarizing the events of that day. It would be almost 6 months before she ultimately could fight no longer.