Stay, Jump or Live

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Last week I wrote about how much my husband is missing out on (I wrote about it here).

 

The thoughts of all the things he is missing out on has been weighing heavily on my mind.

 

 

I started thinking about how I am missing out on life because of grief, depression, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, financially.. the list goes on.

 

I decided to start saying YES more often then saying no. Even when I’m depressed. Even when I haven’t slept for night after night. 

I have vowed to say yes.. for the most part.

 

This weekend was a whole lot of YES.

 

Yes because I didn't want to miss out. Yes because I have the opportunity.

 

Yes because I am alive.

 

Because I am alive I can still experience these things that my husband is missing out on.

 

Yesterday I ran The Color Run 5k. I knew physically I couldn't run the whole way. I knew financially I should really put the $50 into savings.

 

But I also knew if I said no, I would be sitting at home doing nothing.. and missing out.

 

The 5k kicked my butt. But the whole experience was amazing and worth every minute of pain.

 

Don’t you just love my outfit?

 

This morning, with my skin still dyed blue, red and orange, and the wash off tattoos that aren't washing off..

 

I will be jumping off a side of a mountain.

 

Yes. Me. Jumping. Off a mountain!

The fear of getting hurt held me back. Financially I was held back. Fear that I would land on my face and be on one of those shows that people get hurt.. and it's kind of funny in a hurt way held me back. Putting my life in someone else's hands held me back.


Why?

Because I can. Because I am alive.


And because I choose to live I choose to not miss out on this very slow yet very fast life we live.

 

I’m learning to let go. To live.

 

 

I'm learning to jump.

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The song I wrote for my adventure..
At first I was afraid.I was petrified.
Wondering how I would jump off the side of a mountain
With some strange dude strapped to my behind.
But then he said "lean forward"
And I knew it was out of my hands.
I placed my life in his hands.
Let my feet leave the ground.
And I was off.
Flying through the sky.
It was then that I realized...
I will survive.

 


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