A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my dog being diagnosed with cancer (I wrote about it here)
Tuesday, the day after my birthday I had to kill put my best friend to sleep.
I am in shock. I am devastated. Three weeks after his diagnoses he went from being fine to not eating and his eyes rolling back in his head.
Nine years and one day after my husband gave me Clifford for my birthday.. I had to let go.
I had to say goodbye.. again.
I wasn't ready to let go.. again.
Yet no matter how much I fought it or how much it hurt, I had no say in it.. again.
Piece by piece, day by day, moment by moment, I lose another piece of my husband. I lose another piece of my before life.
Step by step I walk through a more than ever empty home.
Just when it feels like I have nothing else to lose, I lose my best friend.
The friend that never cared what I look like. Never cared if I can’t manage to get out of bed or not. Never cared if I was deep in grief. He always loved me. Loved me more than he loved himself.
Three years later I am saying goodbye all over again.
Three years later I feel like I am starting all over.. again.
My husband dying piece by piece never gets easier.
Saying goodbye and moving forward never gets easier.