Stephanie Vendrell

This Terrible Club

Do you want to know the best thing that happened to me since my husband died? 

 

Meeting other widows.

 

When I realized I was a widow…the day he died…it floored me. It felt unreal. Surreal. 

 

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Sorry Too Late

You know that feeling when you walk into a store and see something your beloved late spouse would have liked and for a brief moment, you think, I should get that for him…and then you remember, he’s not here anymore.

 

I went into Costco this week to pick up a few things, and that happened…again. I saw a pair of shorts he would have loved. Honestly, I was so hurried on my errand - I feel maybe too busy these days, my grief had been taking a back seat to my new exploits in career, so it took me a bit by surprise.

 

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  • commented on Many Families, One Tree 2015-10-04 16:39:38 -0700
    Yes this is so wonderful…now I want to do that too!!!!

  • commented on The Girl With the Crooked Smile 2015-10-04 13:39:29 -0700
    Thanks everyone. It was kind of huge going public about this so I really appreciate the support…

  • commented on Pockets of Loss 2015-09-28 07:46:19 -0700
    Oh Tricia. Your writing always touches me so deeply. We all go about our lives as best we can, in the background that Knowing that so many others have been touched by loss and grief as well…and as you said the only alternative to protect ourselves from more is to shrivel up inside, which is no practical alternative at all, at least for those of us who see the beauty in the world…thank you again. Hugs.

  • commented on Not Growing Old Together 2015-09-27 10:16:24 -0700
    I love the way you write, Kelley – it’s so personal and relate-able, and yet again you’ve written about a topic we all think about. Getting old alone is just a horrible thought. I’m just a few years older than you (happy birthday btw, hope there were some fun moments) and imagining it all without Mike just SUCKS. There is no good time to be widowed but having gone through it in middle age stinks. I have met someone, yes, but I just can’t know what will happen there yet. When I see old couples like you saw I still always, always think of Mike and what I will miss without him. I think it will just always be like that. :(

  • commented on Living on Memory Lane 2015-09-26 08:12:21 -0700
    Chasing memories with memories…and then to be free and in the moment…what a powerful experience Tricia, and what powerfully beautiful words. Truly your writing touches me so very deeply, and I am glad to feel myself walking beside you and absorbing your hard-fought wisdom. Thank you.

  • commented on You're Missing It 2015-09-25 09:09:04 -0700
    Wow you said it. Being here in “spirit” just doesn’t cut it. What they are missing out on hurts so much. I wish Mike could see his grandchildren grow up. As much joy as they give me, I will be forever stricken by his missing presence in all our lives. Hugs.

  • commented on On the road again... 2015-09-25 09:01:17 -0700
    HI Tricia, yes, it can be isolating, which can be hard as you know. I am indeed enjoying these visits and adventures. Blessings to you and your family – anytime we gather, their missing presence looms so large.

  • commented on Fellow Grief Travellers 2015-09-15 16:33:12 -0700
    As horrible our grief is, there is something comfortable having people in our lives who GET it. I am glad you will have a visit with family. I’ve rediscovered how important some of those relationships are, in the wake of Mike’s death. Hugs.

  • commented on Regretting an Absent Memory 2015-09-15 16:32:04 -0700
    I have experienced similar feelings with my recent travels. Regret that Mike and I didn’t venture out more together, though the reasons why were many…and yes, guilt at the joy of traveling now. I guess they will just always be there…I hope, in time, we may finally allow it to sink in that they simply cannot be here and we must continue to live as we can. But that is NOT an easy process. Blessings to you and Sarah, and Shelby.

  • commented on Turning A New Page 2015-09-13 15:42:28 -0700
    Thank you for this beautiful post, Sarah. I am so happy for this move, and for you and Mike…I love the idea of “different happiest years”. And I get the part about the truck deeply. Been writing about my own car issues this week…

  • commented on Straddling Two Worlds 2015-09-10 14:47:02 -0700
    Hi Lisa, you’re right; there is just no escaping. Maybe when we can get to a point of, like you said, cherish and not as much pain, it might get easier…but as well, it is perhaps as it should be. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • commented on Wrong Colours, Wrong Seasons 2015-09-07 17:10:33 -0700
    That feeling of wrong-ness of Mike not being in my world will always haunt me too. He is ever and forever in my mind and heart as I move through these strange new days without him. He too so loved the beauty of this world, and I often wonder if he can see it from wherever he is…though, I am grateful that I had him in my world at all, for I appreciate it all so much more that he was, and had the chance to learn to view it through his eyes. I wish you peace, Tricia.

  • commented on Parallels & Pushing On 2015-09-07 17:05:30 -0700
    I feel happy that you found beautiful people to share life with again. I find the memories of the past life will always be there, but I can’t ignore the future pulling me forward. Hugs.

  • commented on The Tangible Taste of Missing Him 2015-09-05 17:22:35 -0700
    You really encapsulating a lot of what I’d been feeling too. The sharpness, some moments, but also the rounded edges of life without him now. Thank you Rebecca.

  • commented on Coming Home 2015-09-04 14:18:59 -0700
    Thank you for sharing that, Lisa. I’m glad I’m not alone in these feelings, they are all so confusing. And the “sometimes doing nothing” is good advice…I guess sometimes limbo land is really a place we need to be for awhile. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • commented on Embracing the Silence 2015-08-31 21:07:19 -0700
    I liked Debra’s comment that the experience may bring a fresh way of being with the books and pens. But I cannot imagine it myself!! I too would be hard pressed to put it all way for that length of time. I look forward to hearing how it goes very much, and sending you well wishes and support as best I can from the other side of the globe.

  • commented on What A Ride 2015-08-30 15:30:42 -0700
    I am so happy for you, Sarah. In a way, a little jealous too…to be excited about the next step, even as we will always be missing them, sounds wonderful. Yes, grab your joy.

  • commented on Ian's Birthday Gift 2015-08-28 09:10:57 -0700
    Congratulations Kerryl. Yours is truly one of the most beautiful stories of this terrible club…I am joyous for you, and for Ian, and send blessings to Patrick and your family. All the best of everything to you all.

  • commented on Back When My Heart Was Pure 2015-08-28 09:02:46 -0700
    I find death has not only changed me, it is continuously changing me. It’s kind of like a loss of innocence, maybe. I am glad you traveled to see your friend and enjoy the beauties of the area you live. Friendships – the good ones – seem to take on new meaning in this after-life. Blessings to you Tricia.

  • commented on The Flowery Pit 2015-08-31 21:02:27 -0700
    Hi Morgan…thank you for commenting. It’s a very difficult road to trod for sure. I’m glad you are coming to Widow’s Voice. It’s a great community to share and support and know none of us is alone, though it often feels that way. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss.

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