Stephanie Vendrell

It's Complicated - Repost

While I am away, I am reposting a blog from 2014. Interesting how some things never change.

Recently I've had people say to me, when they learn I've been widowed, well, you know he'll always be with you. I know they say that with all the best intentions...and in a way, I agree, because yes, he will always be in my heart. But it's not as easy as that. Regardless of what my personal spiritual beliefs are, saying something like that can sound awfully close to someone wanting to gloss over the tragedy of the death of my husband and what it means for me in my own life. Easier to say that and hope the conversation will move away from the uncomfortable subject, right? Or am I being difficult here? What do they expect - that I'll say, oh, he will? Well that's great, I feel so much better now! Thanks for letting me know!


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  • commented on The Never-Ending Dance~ 2016-02-03 02:43:37 -0800
    Adrift in the Universe…powerful imagery Alison. It resonates with me. Sending you love through your difficult therapy. This all just sucks so much.

  • commented on Good Widowing 2016-01-31 14:22:07 -0800
    Giving yourself permission to rest, and recognize the signs and take action is indeed a powerful learning curve. I wasn’t like that either before Mike died but do find many of my daily decisions are a reaction to the ever present grief (and good counseling as well). Thank you for sharing this.

  • commented on Jumble 2016-01-29 15:01:13 -0800
    Reading this I felt myself smile a grim, knowing smile…thank you for putting this into words. I know the point of the post is to do just that, for those of us having felt just that very thing.

  • commented on One More Phone Call 2016-01-25 16:31:20 -0800
    Thank you for this. I was standing outside last night talking to Mike, shouting at the moon he loved so much, crying that I missed him and can’t believe he’s not here to talk to anymore, to answer back, tell me he loves me and share in any news or thoughts of the day…it never ends.

  • commented on ... And Still 2016-01-22 15:06:27 -0800
    Yes. Beautiful. Thank you.

  • commented on Death blows 2016-01-22 15:05:34 -0800
    Yes Lisa – definitely more impact now than before. We will always think of the wives and families. Thank you for commenting.

  • commented on Changing of the Colors 2016-01-19 14:41:42 -0800
    I am happy to read about your making the house more your home. And I get it’s a hard thing to do…I often look around at my house imagining how it used to look when Mike was alive, and how slowly over the almost three years how much has been changed…his room is now the guest room, and while I haven’t painted it and a few things of his remain it is mostly unrecognizable from the way it stood when he was the occupant. Sometimes me and the dogs go in there and sniff around, I think trying to find some remnant of him…but like you I could not just mothball things and at the end of the day it is a symbol of my work to continue on with the life I have. Mike would have approved I know.

  • commented on Myrtle 2016-01-16 23:48:37 -0800
    And thank you, Cathy, for coming here and commenting. I will think of you all now too when I sit there and meditate with Myrtle.

  • commented on Death and Life 2016-01-16 23:47:07 -0800
    What a difficult thing to go through with your Mom. I am happy her prognosis is good…and yes eventually we will all experience the death. Trying to find a peace with it is so hard. Sending love and well wishes to you and your family.

  • commented on Witnessing New Life 2016-01-16 23:45:17 -0800
    Rebecca, I am glad you got to share such a precious moment. I think often of the lives being born, and how they will influence the world in ways we don’t know yet…this against the pain of the lives we have lost, whose influence we know all too well. Life is a strange thing. Hugs.

  • commented on Ahhh...Life.... 2016-01-13 02:32:40 -0800
    I totally get the idea that I have to get to know the person who has survived this loss. I am a new woman, sad, lonely, heartbroken…but also finding my strength I didn’t know I had. I appreciate your posts Alison, because they make me feel your loss and also your own strength. We are a community, we widowed people. I am grateful for you, and all of us.

  • commented on Not Alone and Lonely 2016-01-07 14:53:21 -0800
    I think it is, Lisa. I wish you all the best in your career endeavors – and in all that life has to offer, bittersweet as it is. It takes so much effort, but paying attention to the possibilities may give answers and a future and, as you said, growth, we might not have imagined otherwise. Peace to you.

  • commented on Happy New Year 2016-01-04 22:24:17 -0800
    I am so happy to hear about your time together this year, Mike. It just means so much. Permission to have fun together is such a gift. I get it. Love and aloha to you all. (and I have no doubt that Internet or not, Drew and Megan are dancing a happy dance for you on the other side, as I know my Mike is too.)

  • commented on New - A Year in Review 2016-01-03 13:00:07 -0800
    Happy New Year Mike. I am so glad you took that trip.

  • commented on The Last Straggler 2016-01-03 12:55:53 -0800
    Thank you Rebecca.

  • commented on Home, Heart and Facing Fears 2016-01-03 12:55:18 -0800
    These shifts are important and monumental, and become clearer upon looking back a little, I find…I feel happy for you Sarah – I remember well your post from a year ago and seeing where you are now warms my heart. Wishing you love and beauty in 2016.

  • commented on Setting my Goal for 2016 2016-01-02 12:13:54 -0800
    That was very inspiring. Knowing where you’ve come from in your grief, setting such positive goals – and actually going after them – is such a strong and important thing. Thank you for inspiring us all Rebecca. And here’s to growth – and happiness too – in 2016.

  • commented on Sadness and Sugarplums 2015-12-31 00:26:11 -0800
    Cathy…be here now. Always a good one to think about, thank you. Lisa, hope you have some peace too.

  • commented on Far From Ideal 2015-12-17 14:47:29 -0800
    Cathy…I hear you. I had thought I would have so many more years with Mike. I just sucks. And Lisa…we do change, don’t we, it’s just part of it. I’m glad for the community too. Thank you both for commenting.

  • commented on Nobody Else Can Die 2015-12-04 17:41:04 -0800
    I’m with you. No one else can die. I have no stomach for it either. Hugs.

Writer, widow, lover of life. Join me on my journey of personal transformation. Blogger for hire. #RodanAndFields consultant - clinical anti-aging skin care.
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