Sarah Treanor

Hitting the Wall

This past week, I was hopeful about beginning to make some positive shifts in my life. About trying to focus more on the joys of life. I had some glimmer of the sort of energy and zest I used to have. Unfortunately, that didn’t last. Instead, I found myself in a state of overwhelm, to the point of having an anxiety attack on Monday - which hasn’t happened in over a year.

I know from that, something is definitely not going right. The whole rest of the week has proven no better… my mind will not seem to turn off. Constant racing about all number of things from the pressures and expectations of being a step mom, to the stress of trying to “get somewhere” with my business that never feels like it’s getting anywhere. The nagging stress that having some extra money would really help Mike and I out, and the pressure I’ve put on myself to try and find all sorts of ways to bring that in… none of which have panned out really so far. I guess sometimes we don’t even realize how hard things are getting, until we hit the wall. The wall for me, is anxiety.

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Being Responsible for Our Joy

This past Friday, Mike left to go backpacking for the weekend. I was having a hard week, and Friday was no different. Feeling emotional, and just plain sad, for no apparent reason other than - I suppose - feeling weighed down by life. Mike’s felt the same lately. So I was really proud of him finally going on this trip for himself. Not something a few hours away that was “good enough”, but a 7 hour drive down to a part of the Appalachian trail he has always wanted to hike.

I’ll of course let him share about that experience, but this trip of his has had a very good affect on me as well. On Friday, Shelby was with her grandparents until the evening, and Mike had left around lunchtime for his trip. I was feeling pretty crappy, and frankly, jealous of him getting to take off on an adventure. With the suggestion of a friend, I decided to seize the day. So instead of working on the computer all day long, I put on a swim suit, grabbed a cooler and snacks and books and I drove about an hour up to my favorite beach on Lake Erie for the afternoon. And there it was… that long-forgotten feeling of freedom. The feeling that you could do anything you felt like doing with your day, and just wander through it enjoying things. I can’t even tell you how long it has been since I’ve felt that. Even on a weekend.

Then yesterday, Shelby and I dressed up as pirates and went to the Renaissance Faire. For the day we enjoyed fantasy and mystery and magic. Dragons and jousting and lemonade and sugary treats. It's been a much needed break from everyday life...

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