Sarah Treanor

Putting Death out Front

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This past week, Mike, Shelby and I put up our usual Halloween decorations in the front yard. For some folks, the idea of putting a graveyard in your front yard once a year might be tacky or in bad taste. We have no idea what our neighbors think - though none of them decorate at all for Halloween so they probably care very little. Some people take offense I’m sure, because they have lost people they love and think it is rude to make light of that. Well, not us. We have a lot of dead people, and so I feel we have every right to make light of it. Or to put it better… to bring some light to it. Because there should be light let in on death, don’t you think?

That is my favorite thing about Halloween-time… it is a chance once a year to literally put death right out in the front yard. For that one month, I feel a little bit freer to put it out there to the world that, yes, death and darkness are a part of my life and I am actually very proud of it. Prop gravestones and skeletons my just be for fun, but for me, they have always held a deeper meaning.

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  • commented on Free To Be Me 2016-03-18 11:03:36 -0700
    Loved this. I felt exactly the same way. I am in such a different place this time than the last few times, and I got totally new and different things from it. But every single time, it proves to feel like home <3

  • commented on Home, Heart and Facing Fears 2016-01-07 11:05:16 -0800
    Thank you all for these wonderful comments. You each warmed my heart… sometimes it can be weeks without comments on here – and it feels really good to know that people are listening, and caring. My love to you ladies.

    Kelley, a special thank you to you, as someone who was on the other end of the phone those days a year ago when all that happened! Love you so much.

  • commented on Into the Woods 2015-12-20 13:54:18 -0800
    Thank you so much Cathy. We just returned and i have to say it gave me a deeper appreciation for the little comforts and relaxed me so much. I hope you got out for a good hike yourself!

  • commented on Falling 2015-11-21 18:29:27 -0800
    God, why are we always going through the same shit in some way at the same time? I have been feeling this EXACT thing the past week…. how long will it take? When will it start to feel like success and not like scrambling? Will I ever get anywhere on this book (the photo book, which came to a halt several months ago and is still sitting there stuck. ugh) Yup, i get it. I also can so imagine how much panic and stress it is creating to feel like this is your shot and you could mess it up if you dont do X, Y, Z… with my photos, i only have roughly 2 years to get them exhibited in galleries before they are then considered “old work” which is total shit. At this point, i still havent snagged a single solo exhibit, and i really badly want this series to be shown in totality somewhere big on the walls. I so get it. And I so get the feelings of being tired of working overtime. We definitely should skype after Thanksgiving. I miss you tons. Moving is shitty, and lonely. Love you!

  • commented on The Big Move 2015-10-30 06:20:55 -0700
    Thank you all. ITs been a rough past week no doubt, but so FULL… full of love, full of joy, full of heartbreak. Very very full. Thank you for reading and the love!

  • commented on What A Man Is 2015-08-30 06:54:10 -0700
    Yeah, you made me cry today. Damn. Even after these years, I still hate all of this shit. For you. For me. For all of us. And even if i have found someone new… I still HATE all of this simultaneously. I still hate that Mike isn’t Drew in some small corner of my heart… and I always will. If that makes any sense (I’m sure in widow terms it does). God this shit is so so accurate. Well written.

  • commented on The Two Faces of Fall 2015-08-25 16:14:25 -0700
    Thank you Karrlin! And Kelley… yes! One of these days!

  • commented on Seeing in Color 2015-08-23 06:06:51 -0700
    I loved this one!! I think you’ve inspired my post for today even a bit. I feel exactly the same way about fall. This year is the first year I have the real excitement back about it… not like it used to be, but in a NEW way. And I feel stupidly over excited just the way you are feeling!! Most of all… because I will get to come up north for some weeks this fall, and get to experience a place where the colors change in full glory – it literally WILL be like seeing it brighter than i’ve ever seen it before!!! Thanks for this one. Now i’m all impatient. Hurry up fall!

  • commented on Food, My Old Friend 2015-08-16 07:15:05 -0700
    I felt the same way last year when I started Crossfit… it felt so good to CARE again. About living. About myself. Yes. I cannot imagine going through what you did, and I can completely understand the logic of how you coped with it. Sitting here with my healthy breakfast and my boring water down south and cheering you on in solidarity! To living and giving a shit again!

  • commented on Widowed... without children 2015-08-16 07:11:23 -0700
    I can relate in a lot of ways. I was not even desiring children at all until I met Drew and was going to have a family with him… sharing the experience together. After he died, that desire dwindled completely. Periodically i have panicked about the time running out crap in case I DID ever want to give birth. And even though I actually would prefer to adopt… society sure does a good job of making the ticking clock thing hard to ignore!

    And then enter Mike and his daughter. No she isn’t my baby and no I didn’t get to raise her from those wee little days or see her walk or talk for the first time… but somehow it fits. In a way I can only describe as my soul knowing that this is the way for me.

    Life is full of surprises… and I think you’ve got the best attitude you can possibly have about all this scary, sad, frustrating shit. All we can do is keep our hearts open and have faith that if we are meant to be mothers – in some way, somehow – we will be. Whether by birth, adoption, or even mentoring other people’s children. And I definitely happen to think you are meant to be one. <3

  • commented on A Big Little First 2015-08-16 06:56:21 -0700
    Thank you both Rebecca and Kelley!!! It really helps to have this place to write about it all, and to know others are listening and supporting all of this. It really really helps on days when I totally lose my mind lol! Love you both!

  • commented on Silver Linings Playbook 2015-07-21 18:35:40 -0700
    It turned out so beautiful… Well done. You inspire me more each day.

  • commented on The Distance Between Us 2015-07-14 13:03:24 -0700
    Thanks Stephanie! It’s definitely just the beginning of a whole new chapter of grieving for sure! But, one with a lot of joy mixed in. And new ways of healing.

    Tricia, I can so relate to what you said. Some times it feels like more loss… but it also feels worth it when we’re together. It had to be so hard to have such a short time with your husband once you did move closer together. Makes me think that perhaps he and I will have to find a way to be near each other even sooner – life is short after all. We never know how long we have. Thank you so much.

  • commented on Pinata 2015-07-10 16:48:38 -0700
    I am SO incredibly proud of you. More than I could even express in words. I won’t even try. This was so beautiful. You made ME cry today. This was exquisite and such an accurate portrayal. It took me back through ALL of it. All the pain, all the crawling, all the fighting, all the confusion, all the anger, all the disbelief, all the sadness. I am so grateful to call you my friend. You inspire me more than I could ever say.

  • commented on The Knowing 2015-05-29 17:09:31 -0700
    Freakin BEAUTIFUL. I loved this one. Powerful ending. So so proud of how far both of us have come. And so honored to be your friend.