I've been thinking about what to blog about for two days now. And I haven't been able to come with anything.
At least, not anything new.
The ironic thing is, grief has been so heavy for me this week. Yesterday morning in the middle of a random conversation with my two year old about daddy, I burst into tears, which turned in to full-out sobbing by the time I got home
Later in the day, driving around, it happened again. Tears and a deep ache in my gut for Jeremy.
Earlier in the week, I couldn't stop hearing my friend's voice in my head saying "We found Jer. I think he's dead." It played over and over and wouldn't go away. Nothing can make my heart pound and tears burn quicker than thinking about that moment.
Today, my daughter wanted to bring in her scrapbook that we made together about her and her daddy into school for show and tell. I could hardly flip through the book without agony.
Grief has been everywhere. You think I'd have something new to say about it, but I felt uninspired.
The truth is, grief isn't always new. I don't always have epiphanies about grief or life or my journey. Sometimes, even when life is going along just fine, grief just stops you in your tracks without warning.
Even after all this time, my heart just sometimes hurts so much that it consumes me. Sometimes, I can't even explain it, other than my love for Jeremy never ends, therefore neither does my grief for him. The void is never filled and the pain never goes away.
Nothing new to report, just walking through each day, along side of all of you, with a insatiable ache that never really goes away. I can endure, and I do....but sometimes, just sometimes....grief is just the same old crappy companion who likes to remind me it's not going anywhere.