It’s been a weird week.
It seldom happens to me, not because I think I’m invulnerable to feeling weird or down, but mostly because my mind is too consumed in what I’m doing to pay those emotions any attention.
My mind is a strong one. That’s not me bragging. It’s just true.
But even strong minds have their limits.
This week tested me I suppose. I spent the week observing people, myself included, for the most part.
People are weird. Even other people grieving.
I don’t think that that’s a bad thing, but I think sometimes we forget that at the end of the day, we’re people all the same, with the same character flaws and quirks that we had before we were widowed. Now, we just have an added level of trauma and crazy.
We still take advantage of each other. Use each other for our own personal gain. We lie to each other. We’re capable of disrespect and indifference. We're annoyed by people, even if they’re suffering the same plight we are. We still let each other down.
I think the main issue with the world in general is our inability or perhaps our lack of attempt to understand each other. To empathize. Things such as grief-shaming, but even beyond that, really any disagreement, tends to occur when we make no attempt to understand an opposing viewpoint.
Once upon a time, I had a best friend. Or at least I thought I did. The last time I remember speaking to him, I was sitting in a restaurant after Linzi’s funeral with friends and family. He wasn’t there.
He was, however, in the break room of his retail store job. I don’t blame him for not being able to take time off work. What upset me the most, and something I’ve only recently let go off, is that he never checked on us before while everything was spiraling downward…and I never heard from him after that text message exchange the night of Linzi’s funeral.
I don’t need people to check on me. But like getting free candy from strangers on Halloween, it’s nice.
At the time, and even now, I don’t feel I need anyone to say anything. Anything at all.
Sometimes the world doesn’t want nor does it need your input or the sage wisdom you feel you have to offer.
Sometimes it just needs your ear.
Sometimes it just needs your shoulder.
Sometimes…it just needs you there.
Present and accounted for.