Do you get lonely out on the road?
That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love.
The simple and quick answer is yes.
It’s incredibly lonely. It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe.
Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image comes to mind, of a long, long, 2 lane road stretching ahead of me for miles and miles. I occasionally pass through small towns with maybe a single stop light. I wonder, every time, how they continue to exist, in the middle of nowhere.
I can feel the hot wind on my arm, braced on the open window. The sunroof is open. Tunes play; songs that Chuck and I listened to, tunes that are new since his death…
Sitting here, I can feel the loneliness of the broad plains of Kansas and Missouri, the cornfields of Indiana and Illinois, see the foothills of the Rocky Mts in the far distance as I reach Colorado, or loop and dip as I chug up the hills of New Mexico…the beauty of this country demands a response. It always engendered awe and thrills for me, as Chuck and I traveled.
Now? Yeah, it’s lonely.
So why do I continue doing this? Why keep driving and driving if the loneliness is so searing?
It’s simple, really.
The alternative is settling down by myself, without Chuck, and the loneliness of that is unfathomable to me. I don’t know where I’d settle down, how I’d manage it financially or emotionally…the concept is completely foreign to me. I would be lonelier than ever and I know it. The loneliness is a part of me now, and better, I believe, to be on the road with it, than stationary with it.
What I know, alongside the loneliness, is that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Being on the road gives me an opportunity to meet new people every day, push my comfort zones every day, challenge my boundaries every mile, and focus on what this life of mine, without him, is about.
Love remembered, love lived, love shared, a love story carried with me in my heart, and opportunities to share that Love story as people draw to me because of all the pink that surrounds me.
An Odyssey of Love. In pink. Living the Love left behind for me, by Chuck, and drawing Love to me each mile, fueled and energized by those I meet on the road.
In spite of the loneliness, I choose this on the road life.
And maybe, maybe, maybe, the day will come, as my pink car and trailer chug along, that I’ll finally feel Chuck’s presence.