Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~

After Death Shockers~

I guess one of the most shocking aspects following Chuck’s death was the necessity to let go of relationships that had always seemed strong and secure.  Or, if not strong and secure, at least managed. Family relationships, right?

Seriously. 

It was brought home to me that a relationship that I’d thought was okay, and fairly honest, was toxic to me and, yes, existed only because of him.  That was hard and I felt guilty for letting go, knowing how it would hurt Chuck to know such a thing had happened.  I had so much guilt about it for so long…

But words became swords and the impact almost hospitalized me, which shocked me again, because I always considered myself stronger than I was at that moment that saw me on the floor, in the midst of my first anxiety attack.  And, Jesus, the hugeness of the attack terrified me.

Sigh…

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Grace~

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Just me, trying to figure this shit out, after the firestorm of my beloved husband's death~
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