Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~

Yeah, I'm Good With it~

But don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you owe it to your kids to remember you as happy?  Life is supposed to be happy. Maybe you’re depressed. Don’t you want to be happy?

You’ve heard the same questions and comments. I know you have. Because you’re a widow/er just like me and you are surrounded by similar people. Or, if you’re public about your grief, as I am, you hear it from the general public. Less frequently, maybe, as the years pass. But you hear it.  Such comments were more prominent somewhere in my 3rd year.  Apparently, if one is still grieving in the 3rd year, bells of doubt start ringing in the minds of those around you, whispering words like depression complicated grief not moving on not getting on with it medications therapy etc…

I’m embarrassed to admit that, upon hearing these comments (and let’s be honest, it’s thinly veiled criticism because it comes across exactly as it sounds: a judgement, as if I’m doing something wrong), I initially and inevitably ended up defending myself, and trying to explain myself, even as I knew I had no reason to defend myself.  But those words made me feel defensive and attacked. So, I defended.

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Never Have I Ever~

How about…let’s play a possibly desperate game of Never Have I Ever…

Or, conversely, Never Did I Ever…

Never have I ever

Felt this level of loneliness and aloneness, no matter where I am, whether I’m surrounded by others, no matter what I’m doing.

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Just me, trying to figure this shit out, after the firestorm of my beloved husband's death~
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