OK, maybe I am exaggerating just a tad...
But last weekend, the National Conference on Widowhood gave me the opportunity to step WAAAY outside of my comfort zone. Like, Way.
This shy, insecure, risk-averse widow stood in front of a whole bunch of women and revealed herself. I wanted to give these fabulous, courageous and generous widows a few minutes of fun. I think they had fun and I know I did.
I really want to pretend nonchalance, to be cool about it, like "Oh, that ole talk?"
But I can't. The experience, like so many experiences since Mike died, was life changing.
I now say, "If I could do THAT, without seizing, throwing up or fainting, (and it was touch-and-go for a while) I can do anything." That is how big it was.
I used to say that about surviving the first 3 years of widowhood and it is true. If you can make it that far...
We all have these defining moments.
My M.O. was always to run from defining moments, to run like hell. Really, who needs defining? Certainly not this babe…
Maybe Mike's final gift to me was the willingness to say "yes" or at least "I'll think about it" rather my usual "not in this life time" when I am offered an opportunity that is scary.
If this is so, thank you Mike. It was not an easy road we walked, that is for sure. But I am grateful for every ridiculously hard moment and every unwanted lesson for I would not be here today if it were not for you. Love you forever, Mie