Never Have I Ever~

How about…let’s play a possibly desperate game of Never Have I Ever…

Or, conversely, Never Did I Ever…

Never have I ever

Felt this level of loneliness and aloneness, no matter where I am, whether I’m surrounded by others, no matter what I’m doing.

Never did I ever…

Imagine that I would ever, could ever, live without you for 4 years and almost 6 months.

Never have I ever…

Cried so many tears and felt so bereft of my life blood.

Never did I ever…

Imagine that my heart could be so shattered, yet continue to beat steadily.

What the fuck, right?

Never have I ever…

Never did I ever…

And…

Never will I ever…

Stop wishing from my bones out to my skin to the place where I end and the world begins,

For your arms to wrap around me again.

Stop wishing to sink into your embrace.

Close my eyes and imagine your lips upon mine in a sweet and passionate and hard kiss.

Never will I ever…

Stop loving you and speaking of you and remembering you and me and us.

No..never, ever, will I ever…

Not carry you for every fucking second in my blood and my heart and my soul and my 3rd eye and body parts and hold you in all the unseen parts.

Not crave you, not imagine you, not weep for you, not curse your absence, not burn for you.

Never did I ever…

Never have I ever…

Never will I ever..

Ever.


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  • commented 2017-09-23 18:04:16 -0700
    You always nail it. As I count the years (four and eight months) knowing I am going to approach five years of being without my husband I just wish it would all come to a stop. I have no need to pretend this isn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me. I want it over. I’m tired and yet I still breathe. I am glad my body seems to be diminishing. Hopefully i wont have to go another five.

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