When it Rains look for Rainbows. When it's Dark look for Stars.

Happy 6th Birthday

jacob2.jpgToday is my son Jacobs 6th birthday. Birthdays are always different now. I do my best to give the kids what they want and celebrate but there's a hole. Someone is missing. How can you celebrate the birth of your child without their daddy. I just don't know if it will ever be the same. 
Jacobs 4th birthday was the last one Joey was apart of. I don't know if it hits me harder because of that. But I can just see him standing next to him as he tries to blow his candles out. Jacob couldn't do it and started to get frustrated. And then Joey whispered something to him. And blew the candles out and Joey gave him a pat on the head and walked away. That is the birthday memory I have of Joey with Jacob. His first son and he only saw him to four years old. 
It makes no sense to me. I can't imagine only being four and then never having your dad with you anymore. 

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  • commented on You have a choice. 2016-12-20 05:20:27 -0800
    You gave me chills Linda. Thank you so much for the inspiration! You are truly a light.

  • commented on I'm Tired 2016-12-10 08:32:23 -0800
    Tracey, there is nothing I can say to make your battle easier. But if I could come sit with you today and tomorrow I would. Take a break today. Rest. Cry. Scream. But tomorrow pull your head up. Fight this fight. He would want you to. He would do anything to be by your side today and everyday. This life isn’t fair. Is seems really unfair to you. But you can win this battle. You can feel the sun on your face and smile. You can do this. My heart is with you.

  • commented on It's ok to not be ok 2016-07-18 19:40:36 -0700
    Although I cant complete relate, I can to some extent. My husband was my rock. I always knew I was safe with him. No matter where we were if he was with me I knew I was good. My husband did not take his own life, but he was an alcoholic and drove his truck off the road. Again I know this is not the same thing at all. But I know what its like to be let down by the person you love most. I would give anything for one more moment and yes a break as well. I dont know how we begin to trust again or even open our hearts again. But I do believe that we are still here for a reason and I’m determined to find mine. When the storm comes just remember to breathe thats all you have to do. Dont drown in the waves. Like all storms it will end and you will see sun light again. I normally always feel very alone in a room full of people, always the odd man out. But I can tell you I have learned to be more comfortable in that situation. Please just keep going, always remember your husband loved you. He was just sick, as was mine.

  • commented on I miss my someone 2016-07-11 18:57:55 -0700
    Susan, I know how you feel. Although I do have children and I am younger than you, my husband was my life, my family was my life and I would do anything to have that back. I think its just a matter of finding our new place in this world. And I believe we will.
    Gary, thank you for your kind words. I have been told this many times and sometimes I don’t want to move forward I have faith that I will find happiness when I am ready to.

I was 31 years old when I lost my husband of 7 years. We have four children together. In this past year I have learned a lot about myself and life. I choose to keep fighting and my goal is to help others find that fire inside them and keep moving. We are
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