When it Rains look for Rainbows. When it's Dark look for Stars.


show.jpgSometimes when you lose someone you hold on to every Tangible item you can. 
Joey was raised with bulldogs and it was his dream to breed his own dogs and show them. He was great at anything he did and his dogs were no exception. He created his own bloodline of beautiful healthy bulldogs. When he was alive he would tell me if anything happen to him these dogs were how I would survive. 
As much as I loved our dogs I didn't share the same passion for breeding and showing them. But after he passed I was determined to continue his dream. I had three litters on my own and it turned out to be more than I could handle alone. Between the driving two hours to the vet and keeping up with the cleaning it was just too much. It took me a year and a half to realize I needed to do what was best for me and these dogs. I found great homes for them all and let go of his dream. It was painful, I felt like I let him down in so many ways. But deep down I was also so relieved to not have that responsibility anymore.

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Long Road Ahead

"The hardest walk you can make is alone, but it's the walk that will make you stronger." 
This is easier said than done. 
When you have a partner in life, someone who you know has your back no matter what. Someone who will shelter you during the storm. Someone who is willing to die for you before they let you suffer. 
Then all of a sudden you are alone without that someone. And you must figure life out for yourself. 
The plan was for Joey to be the money maker and I took care of the children. Once they were old enough then I would go back to school to pursue nursing. That plan went out the window after Joey died. Now I had to be the money maker and the caretaker. 

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  • commented on You have a choice. 2016-12-20 05:20:27 -0800
    You gave me chills Linda. Thank you so much for the inspiration! You are truly a light.

  • commented on I'm Tired 2016-12-10 08:32:23 -0800
    Tracey, there is nothing I can say to make your battle easier. But if I could come sit with you today and tomorrow I would. Take a break today. Rest. Cry. Scream. But tomorrow pull your head up. Fight this fight. He would want you to. He would do anything to be by your side today and everyday. This life isn’t fair. Is seems really unfair to you. But you can win this battle. You can feel the sun on your face and smile. You can do this. My heart is with you.

  • commented on It's ok to not be ok 2016-07-18 19:40:36 -0700
    Although I cant complete relate, I can to some extent. My husband was my rock. I always knew I was safe with him. No matter where we were if he was with me I knew I was good. My husband did not take his own life, but he was an alcoholic and drove his truck off the road. Again I know this is not the same thing at all. But I know what its like to be let down by the person you love most. I would give anything for one more moment and yes a break as well. I dont know how we begin to trust again or even open our hearts again. But I do believe that we are still here for a reason and I’m determined to find mine. When the storm comes just remember to breathe thats all you have to do. Dont drown in the waves. Like all storms it will end and you will see sun light again. I normally always feel very alone in a room full of people, always the odd man out. But I can tell you I have learned to be more comfortable in that situation. Please just keep going, always remember your husband loved you. He was just sick, as was mine.

  • commented on I miss my someone 2016-07-11 18:57:55 -0700
    Susan, I know how you feel. Although I do have children and I am younger than you, my husband was my life, my family was my life and I would do anything to have that back. I think its just a matter of finding our new place in this world. And I believe we will.
    Gary, thank you for your kind words. I have been told this many times and sometimes I don’t want to move forward I have faith that I will find happiness when I am ready to.

I was 31 years old when I lost my husband of 7 years. We have four children together. In this past year I have learned a lot about myself and life. I choose to keep fighting and my goal is to help others find that fire inside them and keep moving. We are
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