Leaving

Today is Friday. On Wednesday, December 21st, just five short days from now, my brother and my mom will be driving to NY from Massachusetts, picking up a U-Haul to attach onto my brothers truck, showing up here to my apartment, packing up all my stuff, and me, and my two kitties - and driving back to Massachusetts. I will then be starting a new chapter in my life, living in my parent's house, in small town Massachusetts, and finally taking the time to finish writing my book about grief, love, life, and loss. For the past month or so, my sweet younger brother has been spending almost every night at my parent's house, after his own long work day, to go down to their basement - and literally build me a room down there where I can sleep, write, exist, and have privacy. He put paneling on the ceiling, put walls up, tore down a wall to create a larger space for me, and lots of other things. My dad has been helping with this, and my mom has been doing all the prep-work that is needed to add me into the house. Setting up a litter box area for my kitties, getting a cable box for my TV downstairs, all those little things. And me? I have been spending the past month or so doing the same from here in NY. Changing my mailing address, packing up endless boxes, throwing things away, and saying goodbye to things , and to WAY too many people. It's been emotional. And very hard. I have lived here in NY my entire adult life, and leaving is difficult. 

However, I feel incredibly thankful for many reasons. The fact that it's taking me such a long time to have "one last dinner or drink" with all these many friends in my life, means that I am lucky enough to have a lot of quality people in my life that want me to do well and have joy. The fact that my parents are still around for me to go and live with them, and that we love each other and get along so well and enjoy being together, and that I have the kind of parents that will open their home to me forever and help me in whatever way they can - that is a beautiful thing, and not everybody has that. 

The fact that my husband and I had , and have, such a beautiful love story, one that I want to share with the world in a book - is wonderful and rare, and I cherish it every day that I am alive. The fact that so many friends have offered me their spare guest room, their homes, their time - whenever I decide to visit NYC in the future - is just evidence of the types of people in my life. The fact that I am having such a hard time leaving everything, and everyone, in this city I have called home for the past 26 years, is just proof of what a special place this is - and of the life I have built for myself here over time. 

This is going to be interesting. Scary. Challenging. And hopefully, ultimately, something that leads me to greater things. 

Im anxious. Im nervous. But Im thankful. 

Thankful for all the love that I have in my life, and all of the things that are still to come. 


Showing 12 reactions

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  • commented 2016-12-21 07:58:50 -0800
    I am so sorry, I don’t know how that happened :( It won’t let me delete!
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:11 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:11 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:11 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:11 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:11 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:10 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:10 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-21 07:57:09 -0800
    Welcome home to Massachusetts. Small town life will be different for sure, but will open other avenues for you to explore
  • commented 2016-12-17 19:52:22 -0800
    You are indeed blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive family. It means everything in these difficult times. I wish you safe journey. It seems widowhood brings many of us to this point of moving change. Bittersweet, yes.
  • commented 2016-12-17 10:01:28 -0800
    Bittersweet, keep focusing on that last sentence.
  • commented 2016-12-16 18:10:13 -0800
    I feel about Texas the way you do about NY I think. It was heartbreaking to leave. I’ll never forget that rainy night when we drove across the Texas-Arkansas border and my heart just broke. I can see your hope for the adventures ahead in your words. You’ve come so far. I am so proud of you and it is beautiful to see all that your family is doing for you. I hope for this to be the beginning of some grand new directions for you. I know it will be slow, and challenging, and scary, but I know you will make it through and make it beautiful. Love you so much!

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