Learning to Slow Down

Kerryl_JohnByCathLeo-34.jpgI’m naturally a person who likes to have a few things on the go at once.  Hence I’m currently combining solo parenting and John’s various activities, studying and a pregnancy, plus involvement at the leadership level of a community organisation.

I’d not say I’m making a success of being busy (2 finals this week and I am WAAAAY under-prepared), but I like idea of having things that need to be done and places to be.  It stops me from feeling unproductive and lazy.

You’d have thought the crash-and-burn of trying to maintain a similar load in the first 9 months after Ian died would have taught me a lesson in moderation.

Nope.

I distracted myself in that first year, pretty much.  Kept working, picked up studies at the 9 month point, stopped working not long after on medical advice.  Kept the studies going, because I needed SOMETHING to sink my teeth into when I felt like it.

I initially ignored, then finally dealt with the physical/medical issues that arose from not dealing with my grief (recurrent sinus infections – funnily enough hitting around anniversaries).  After a second round of physical/medical issues that made themselves known (adult onset asthma), basically waving a big red flag saying ‘deal with this’, I sought the counselling I needed and feel like Ian’s death has morphed into a background hum to my life, rather than the front and centre clanging it was.

But I’ve still kept busy.

Which is rather different from how I managed after my Mum and Step-Dad died within six months of each other.  My retrenchment from work was effective within days of my step-dad’s death, so I simply took six months off and did pretty much nothing.  So I know I can slow down and stop when need be.

I just didn’t do it/haven’t done it since Ian died… Keep busy, even though you can’t busy yourself through the grief.

Right now I’m dealing with a physical exhaustion rather than emotional. 

Pregnancy-induced insomnia.

Three more days till finals are over – but a stack of prep to do in order to pass them.

Four more weeks, and I’ll have finished studies for a period of time at least after a two-week intensive subject.

Seven more weeks and baby is here.

Studies off the burner for a while, pregnancy over and an opportunity to delegate on the community work.  It’ll just be the parenting component left 100% on my shoulders.

Maybe then I’ll get a chance to slow down again.


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  • commented 2015-07-10 03:08:59 -0700
    Reading about all that you’re doing exhausts me! Don’t forget to take care of yourself and that means taking time for yourself.. Somewhere amongst everything that is going on.. Thanks for sharing what’s going on and your end of the world

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