Learning to Celebrate Again

IMG_1312.JPGEver since Joey and I started dating we always celebrate the holidays, we did them big! Halloween was always one of our favorites we would always dress up together and once we had children we made it a family affair. Christmas was always big in our house as well. Lots of decorations and family activities. This time of year was just always very special to us. It was a time to spend with the ones you love and have fun.

Last year I breezed through the holidays as quietly as possible. I didn’t put any decorations out, for any holiday. I put my Christmas tree up a week before Christmas and took it down the day after. I wanted no part of the holidays. They just reminded me of what I was missing. The kids desperately wanted to decorate and celebrate. I just couldn’t do it. 

unnamed_(5).jpgDon’t get me wrong, I still took them trick or treating. They still got their presents. They just knew something was missing. There was no holiday spirit last year.

This year I want to celebrate. For them and me. I come to the same conclusion often and that’s the fact that I most certainly can decide to sit and do nothing. Never enjoy life again, just be totally consumed with anger and sadness. But what good is that? It’s just wasting this life I was given. This blessing that is ripped away from so many of us.

So this year for Halloween we will all dress up. We had a Halloween party Saturday and it was great. The kids had games and crafts. We had a bonfire and made s’mores. We lived and celebrated. And although I know there will be silent tears this holiday season, there will also be smiles and laughter. There will be life and we will continue to celebrate that. 


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  • commented 2016-11-02 17:31:41 -0700
    The holidays are the worst.
    Halloween this year was particularly difficult. We too loved Halloween and we all would dress up and go out even if it were simple. I planned her birthday party on our Halloween party because I was to tired from grieving in July to plan her birthday party.
    I debated cancelling last minute as it was the first party I had planned without him. I was alone. But I was so glad I didn’t because she and I had soooo much fun dancing, singing and wrapping her friends in toilet paper (mummies) . My house was a mess, my feet hurt, and I was exhausted but we had lived that day.
    That night I cried again. And again last night. Uncontrollabley because I miss him. But I refuse to let the tears be all that’s left for us.
    I’m going to honour him by loving the best I can right now. Even when I can’t get out of bed. If that’s the best I can do, that’s enough.
    I’m honouring him through my own blog that focuses on mental illness and suicide, my grief and our children.
    Please read… knowing we are not alone helps.

    Beautifullymade34.Wordpress.com

    Keep living..

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