Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Where Does It Go?

Where do they go? 

The memories that you shared 

with your partner,

your person.

The moments,

that existed, 

only between you and he,

that now exist,

only inside your heart. 

That time,

that place,

that way he used to tilt his head 

to the side

or fold his arms across his chest

when he was looking at me

like I was nuts. 

Or the way he laughed,

with his whole body,

from the shoulders all the way down,

shaking and falling forward,

his blue eyes sparkling,

with wonder, 

and delight. 




go ...

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New Love, This Love

So, almost exactly 6 years after my husband's sudden death, and after about 2 years of endless dating and even more endless heartache, I have met someone. Not just someone. THE one. Or, as Michele refers to love after loss: "my next great love." He has finally arrived, and isn't it about damn time? 

It is very early on in our relationship (2 weeks and 2 days, to be exact), but neither of us has ever experienced this type of "knowing" that it's love, or this kind of intense and yet HEALTHY chemistry. Feelings have developed fast, but nothing feels rushed or forced or unnatural in any way. Plus, it is the kind of relationship where we both are inspired by the other to strive to be the very best version of ourselves that we can be. He is not widowed, but he knows of loss. He has had multiple losses in his life, and hardships, and so we are both in this place of experiencing new things together. For the first time. 


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  • commented on Grease Monkey 2015-10-13 13:06:24 -0700
    Man, you remind me so much of Don in so many ways. He had his car that he treated like a princess, and he was always washing it and polishing it and loving on it. I used to ask him all the time if he and his car would like to be left alone, because they seemed pretty intimate. Before my husband was a paramedic, he was a car mechanic for Cadillac, so he was always fixing cars and loved it. And before that, he was Flight Crew Chief and mechanic for F-16’s in the Air Force. He just loved rescuing things. And animals. And people. And I so miss that about him. That mechanic with the dirty hands who had that passion for fixing up his car. I love that you are bringing the car back to life, and I love what it represents for you.

  • commented on The Waves of Grief 2015-10-10 11:55:43 -0700
    Makes total sense to me why that might be an unexpected trigger for you. This movie premise reminds me a lot of Tom Hanks in “Castaway” – similar theme, a man trying to survive on a deserted island after being the sole survivor of a plane crash. I dont know if this might help or not to understand a little bit what might have been inside Dan’s mind, but one of my good friend’s attempted suicide a few months ago. He actually was stopped by police breaking down the door to his hotel room where he had brought his dad’s gun and was seconds away from doing it. He explained to me what it felt like in the moment right when he was going to pull the trigger. He said it was as if someone else was doing it, someone else or some force in his brain was in control, and not him. He said he felt almost paralyzed by the fog and that NOTHING was on his mind about his family or friends or anything like that – just this intense need that this must be done. When the cops came in and he saw his friend who had called them to stop it, he fell out of the fog and ran and broke down in his friends arms. Again, I hope this isnt MORE upsetting, but Im telling you this because I think in that moment, the brain of the person who is doing this goes somewhere that we cant understand. And even they cant understand it, and if they could stop it, they probably would. But it takes over and they cant see anything else except that. So, in a way, Dan probably did fight for his life, but he just didnt know how maybe. I hope Im making sense.

  • commented on Natural Selection 2015-10-06 13:59:53 -0700
    I love “Mike” day and “Sarah” day at Widows Voice lol. Tuesdays and Sundays ….

  • commented on Over It 2015-10-04 10:33:29 -0700
    Thanks guys. I hate feeling so scared and not having him here to comfort me. He was amazing at comforting me.

  • commented on Many Families, One Tree 2015-10-04 10:27:43 -0700
    Okay that was worth the wait, even though I still feel that you write your blogs on MY schedule, so that I may wake up and drink my coffee and read your blog on Sundays. Did you tell this man your story and how much you loved that he had that collage? What was his reaction? I hope you told him. I absolutely love the idea of having everyone in the same collage … and what a perfect name for it too … the collage of love and family that comes from life and death. LOVE THIS.

  • commented on Not Growing Old Together 2015-09-29 14:59:07 -0700
    THank you so much everyone for your replies. This new website format wont let me respond to you individually, so I apoligize for that. James, thank you for sharing about your wife with me. Your loss is so new and its going to take awhile for you to be able to see a future with out her here. Its just so hard but we will all get through it. Thanks everyone. I love reading your comments.

  • commented on Remember the Fall 2015-09-29 14:55:24 -0700
    Of course you would. We all would I think. And i know exactly what you mean about NEEDING to just talk about it and vent it out sometimes, feel the fiery rage that comes with it, and then release it. Thanks for sharing that. You have all been through so much.

  • commented on About A Girl 2015-09-27 09:20:14 -0700
    Damn you and your brilliant writing. Also, this is the perfect blog post for me to say …..

  • commented on Observation 2015-09-22 08:30:40 -0700
    What a beautiful thought process on this. I believe the same, and it took me some time to come to that belief. In the end, it was Don himself who changed my beliefs, because I kept FEELING signs from him over and over, and after awhile, I had to stop denying their validity and just decide to go with it and believe. I truly believe Megan and Drew are somehow together now, and that they have brought you and Sarah together so you can be happy again. And I believe that Megan Drew and Don were all with us in toronto at the Rainbow Bridge, and that us 3 were supposed to go there that day. And this is one of my very favorite pictures of the 3 of you.

  • commented on The First Big Departure 2015-09-20 13:17:41 -0700
    I love that you recognize and acknowledge that there will always be that other path of what COULD have happened had he not died … man, its so painful and hard to always know that, isnt it? To have it floating around, that big unanswered question. Like you said, it deserves tears. Im so happy, and sad, but mostly happy, for you, for the life you continue to create and live.

  • commented on Regretting an Absent Memory 2015-09-19 08:00:04 -0700
    BY the way, thank you for letting me tell the story about the Rainbow Bidge, which Ill be doing in my personal blog over the weekend. I havent had the time to properly write it all out, but I do today and tomorrow.

  • commented on What Not to Talk About on a First Date... 2015-09-19 07:48:05 -0700
    Ugh, yeah, this made me cringe. And you are WAY braver than me. I also want to fall in love again, but Im just NOT willing to “put myself out there” through the dating sites , or go on multiple dates with different people. I literally want my person to just fall into my lap, and if they dont, oh well. Im soooo not willing to go searching for them lol. Im too damn tired and lazy and Ive been through too much. I give you a lot of credit. That conversation had to be painful and sad. I would be afraid Id burst into tears from being forced to talk about , like you said, the "most painful thing " in my life. Major hugs, woman. xoxo

  • commented on Parallels & Pushing On 2015-09-06 09:02:11 -0700
    Cant. Stop. Crying. The stars . Your mom. Shelby’s mom. Her bedroom. Your bedroom. All of it. How unbelievably poetic and beautiful. I want to know everything. How it goes with the parents, how it goes with the rental place, Im going to be stalking your life cuz this shit is awesome and fascinating and beautiful and epic. See you in a few days!!!!

  • commented on The Tangible Taste of Missing Him 2015-09-05 07:38:55 -0700
    Yeah. I soooo get it. Its always there. The missing . Always. Ive been missing mine like mad lately too. That ache …

  • commented on What A Man Is 2015-09-03 20:43:52 -0700
    Wow thanks guys for all the comments. Some of them came later in the week so I didnt see them until now. Im so glad this resonated with so many of you. Rebecca – thats how I feel too, like I already paid my dues for YEARS with the horrid dating and the single life. Ugh. It sucks…..

  • commented on Ian's Birthday Gift 2015-08-27 07:52:48 -0700
    Oh wow, I had no idea this was your final post. What a beautiful way to end - and begin. You look so happy in this picture and this is such a beautiful and love-filled story. I will miss your blog posts, and I wish you so much joy in life ahead !

  • commented on The Two Faces of Fall 2015-08-23 07:27:30 -0700
    I actually remember you doing that haunted house, and how much fun you said you had. You are going to love the autumn leaves. One day, you NEED to come to where I grew up in Massachusetts. They are truly the most beautiful in New England. Mass, Vermont, New Hampshire. The leaves are stunning in October.

  • commented on I Choose Love - Over and Over Again 2015-08-22 08:50:12 -0700
    AMen to that.

  • commented on The Warrior and the Wildflowers 2015-08-16 13:09:43 -0700
    So weird, because I SORT OF talked about something a bit similar, but yet very different, in my Friday post. It was about food, but the pattern of how I use it to cope with tragedy, trauma, grief, etc. But, unlike you, when Don died, I DID go right back to my old ways of using food as my escape / numb place / sheild against the world. It was only just recently that I am finally breaking free of that, like a mmonth ago, and trying a new way. Im super proud of you for all the ways you have opened yourself up to love , and I have seen it happen first-hand in you. Since I first knew you until now, the changes are immense and quite beautiful. Love you xo.

  • commented on Widowed... without children 2015-08-15 10:25:17 -0700
    Oh I totally get this, except after 4 years , Im STILL not ready to date, AND Im 43 instead of 35. So, I pretty much have accepted that my chances at being a mom are gone. Theyre just gone. Its something else Ive had to grieve, and it sucks. I cry about it a lot, and its a horrible thing to realize. But there it is. I hope your next happiness in love is just around the corner…….

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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